So I shopped, the excuse or shall I say "trigger" was getting stuck in the house for 4 days while Elaine recovered from a kidney infection. I bought the damn boots! Dark brown Ralph Lauren riding boots. Amazing boots that will last a life time. Timeless but I sure as hell did not pay cash. First I reached out, I called and text a few family members with varying responses. My brother said, "Buy one" My mistake was allowing myself to "just look" I looked and looked and became obsessed with the damn things. I thought about them in Yoga, I talked about them to people at work, they were in and out of my basket 100 times. Keep in mind I have already bought and returned 2 others pairs I thought were perfect. If I do not love them - they go back. I tried to look at them in the store but they are not available on the west coast. Then I realized they were no longer available in black. Surely they were going to go away. Once I completed the transaction I felt as if a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. I felt free. I had a physiological response of pure joy almost like an orgasm ( I really like to shop) Weird- nope, after all I am a junky! I got my fix. A big one, one if it were drugs could cause an overdose ! But with the ability to rationalize most anything free shipping and 20% off with free returns I could not resist their gravitational pull any longer. So I can return them when buyers remorse hits. Or not. Since I started this blog this was my first big shopping "oops" I know for a fact that when I get stir crazy I go a bit crazy in an attempt to be somewhere else. I guess. I am sure there is some sort of diagnosis for my neurosis. It will require a restructure of my payment plan but I think it should not hurt me too much. In the mean time I have not "cheated" on my diet at all.
Until I f'up again...
PS- Elaine is much better, fever is gone and we have her on the proper antibiotics. Monday we will back in the grind all over again
Friday, September 30, 2011
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Inch by Inch
As evidenced by a decreased scrub size I was also validated by measurements at my weekly check in, a total of 9 1/2 inches gone! 2 on the bust 4.5 on the waist and 3 on the lower abs ( I call fl'abs) my ass stayed the same. The weight loss counselor praised me and gave me a little congrats card. She ran out to get it with excitement and I was hoping for a big ticket item but the card was nice. 14 pounds gone. Last week presented many food challenges. Celebrations combined with being plain tired and having a sick kid all came about in the same week. I lost about a pound. This is sooooo slow but I can not argue with the fact I feel better. Maybe the slower it comes off the more likely it will stay off. I am going to hit it hard this week and pray the weekend does not slip me up. There is nothing planned so I should be OK. As long as I do not get too bored or tired or feel the urge to celebrate something I will be OK. A baseball season that is over for my team proves to be good for my waist line. Football now! The 49ers are 2 and 1, after years of pain with those bozos I look forward to celebrating a winning football team. There are way less games it should not mess with weight loss.
My weight loss counselor today suggested that soon I will be able to buy new clothes. She got my attention on this for sure. What great motivation but how dangerous for my other goal of decreasing debt. She said to either get rid of the clothes I own now or get them altered but not to keep fat clothes. I am down with that. Out with the old in with the new. Expensive clothes that are too big will get altered the rest will go to good will. The new clothes I buy will be by cash! This could get difficult and the thought of shopping makes my hunger pangs wain. I hear Paris Hilton stays thin because the amount of shopping she does serves as exercise. I have to remind myself that I do not earn her paycheck. I earn the paycheck of someone who has a good job who chooses not to work too much! I wish you could apply for the Paris Hilton and or Kim Kardashian type job, I surely would and laugh all the way to Gucci.
Fact I learned today, for every pound of muscle you gain you increase your metabolism by 50 calories. In how long I have no clue. Is that 50/hr or 50 a day??? I am going to read about this and bananas. Several people have told me banana are bad for weight loss and that you could actually gain if you eat too many of them. This sounds stupid to me so I am going to read about muscle/metabolism and bananas today. I'll get back to you.
My weight loss counselor today suggested that soon I will be able to buy new clothes. She got my attention on this for sure. What great motivation but how dangerous for my other goal of decreasing debt. She said to either get rid of the clothes I own now or get them altered but not to keep fat clothes. I am down with that. Out with the old in with the new. Expensive clothes that are too big will get altered the rest will go to good will. The new clothes I buy will be by cash! This could get difficult and the thought of shopping makes my hunger pangs wain. I hear Paris Hilton stays thin because the amount of shopping she does serves as exercise. I have to remind myself that I do not earn her paycheck. I earn the paycheck of someone who has a good job who chooses not to work too much! I wish you could apply for the Paris Hilton and or Kim Kardashian type job, I surely would and laugh all the way to Gucci.
Fact I learned today, for every pound of muscle you gain you increase your metabolism by 50 calories. In how long I have no clue. Is that 50/hr or 50 a day??? I am going to read about this and bananas. Several people have told me banana are bad for weight loss and that you could actually gain if you eat too many of them. This sounds stupid to me so I am going to read about muscle/metabolism and bananas today. I'll get back to you.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
"Jonesing for boots"
Got the call yesterday at work- the kid has a fever. This is where the routine goes out the window. No bike, no work, no yoga, just sedentary life with stress and an all too accessible credit card computer and kitchen. I want to shop! I really do! With the temptation of "friends and family" Bloomingdale's discounts, mid day dash offers at N.M. and popups do I stand a chance? I will admit I have looked at lots of shoes today. I do have a $25 certificate for Bloomingdale's and a gift card to Nordstrom but I want to use them in the store and try stuff on. I do not want to use them now. They are sitting right in front of me right now and I reserve the right to use them should this go on for a few days. Why the hell do I still want to buy something? Is it a reward or something to just make this a better day? Just something to make things better. Managed to stay out of kitchen but my true test will be in the evening. I cheated a little last night. I am going to try and get to Yoga when Jack comes home but who the hell knows when that is going to be. This is where writing about it will help.
On a happy note, yesterday was the day that people noticed I had lost some weight and that was while I was wearing scrubs.I now wear a large scrub instead of extra large. I can not wait to have my measurements done on Thursday. I had to cancel my massage appointment because Elaine is sick. I will not use this as an excuse to buy those damn boots that continue to sit in my basket even though I can get them for 20% off right now! Jonesing! I almost bought them but looked at my chart and realized it would ruin it one month into the entire thing started. I have to be stronger than that.
Things I can do in between taking temperatures and talking with Doctors.... I can clean, write, stretch at home, talk on the phone, watch TV or read. I do have all the Fall line catalogues I can look at them all again. I could play my guitar after I dust it off. I could look at old comedy videos and wonder if that will ever happen again, I could brush the dogs, I could shop- no not shop, I could eat for no reason - no not eat.
Good lord help me.
On a happy note, yesterday was the day that people noticed I had lost some weight and that was while I was wearing scrubs.I now wear a large scrub instead of extra large. I can not wait to have my measurements done on Thursday. I had to cancel my massage appointment because Elaine is sick. I will not use this as an excuse to buy those damn boots that continue to sit in my basket even though I can get them for 20% off right now! Jonesing! I almost bought them but looked at my chart and realized it would ruin it one month into the entire thing started. I have to be stronger than that.
Things I can do in between taking temperatures and talking with Doctors.... I can clean, write, stretch at home, talk on the phone, watch TV or read. I do have all the Fall line catalogues I can look at them all again. I could play my guitar after I dust it off. I could look at old comedy videos and wonder if that will ever happen again, I could brush the dogs, I could shop- no not shop, I could eat for no reason - no not eat.
Good lord help me.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
I am Yogi "Mar"
Here it is Sunday morning and I feel pretty good. Put my Yoga clothes on and ate a light breakfast will hit up the 11:30 yoga class and sweat it out. I am feeling and looking a a bit better than the scale tells me I should. I guess this is a benefit and curse of exercise. I am told that this is true of the beginning of any program. I am at the beginning, I need to remind my self of this. Writing about it every day makes it seem like I should be further into all of this. I am inpatient, I know this, it has always been my tragic flaw. But with building muscle and losing fat the scale may not show dramatic lose every week. Thursday I will get measured and it will show all my hard work. It better or I will have to seriously look at my approach to all of this.
Went to the House of Prime Rib last night and all I could tell the waiter when he checked in with us was that I have been eating mostly Jenny Craig for 7 weeks and I was in beef heaven. Good times with good people. I am thankful for my friends and family. I am not going to feel bad about this I refuse. It was planned it is life and I did not eat till wanting to die.
Saturday was stolen from me. My plans went to the side when some of my daughter's friends came over. We did have fun I brought them out to get their nails done but due to having to switch around some "care giving tasks I was unable to get to the yoga studio. I will go today and I am afraid of how it will go because I am still tired and probably a bit dehydrated. I will go anyway and just do the best I can.
... Just got back from class. I was the strongest I have ever been! I made the commitment to myself at the beginning of class that I would just do exactly as the instructor said and get my mind off my back knees and little head ache. I concentrated and focused on making small adjustments to the poses and felt amazing. Maybe Prime Rib is good for Yoga! My "cob webs" of tiredness from a big night out were gone within 3 poses. I did every single pose to the best of my ability and was not looking around at the poor folks I love to comment on! I was doing it I was a Yogi today. I did not cling to my water bottle for security or need to take any breaks. I tried to make my transitions fluid and did not fuss with my hair or clothes. I paid attention to my breath and I tried not to be bothered with the sweat in my eyes. I talked a little to instructor after and told her how strong I felt. She said I did well and looked happy about it. I probably had a big stupid smile on my face. I loved my Yoga today.
So I know that Jenny Craig is not the answer to a life time spent at goal weight ( once I get there) they have a maintenance program that includes eating real food. I have to keep my mind on that goal. The structure of the portion control and the routine of eating this way needs to reprogram my mind. Giving myself 1-2 meals on my own does help too and it is with the blessing of the weight loss counselor. I like some of the things that weight watchers offers- activity points , extra points, fitting in being social (drinking) in to the program but I am not strong enough for this right yet. I am the Queen of rationalizing things so right now I will commit to continuing Jenny Craig. Not sure why it is coming off so slowly but I will continue. I do not think I will write every day. I will just write when I have something to say. If the scale on Thursday does not show at lest 2 pounds I am going to have to look at the weekends and figure something else out of I will not hit goal in the spring.
Went to the House of Prime Rib last night and all I could tell the waiter when he checked in with us was that I have been eating mostly Jenny Craig for 7 weeks and I was in beef heaven. Good times with good people. I am thankful for my friends and family. I am not going to feel bad about this I refuse. It was planned it is life and I did not eat till wanting to die.
Saturday was stolen from me. My plans went to the side when some of my daughter's friends came over. We did have fun I brought them out to get their nails done but due to having to switch around some "care giving tasks I was unable to get to the yoga studio. I will go today and I am afraid of how it will go because I am still tired and probably a bit dehydrated. I will go anyway and just do the best I can.
... Just got back from class. I was the strongest I have ever been! I made the commitment to myself at the beginning of class that I would just do exactly as the instructor said and get my mind off my back knees and little head ache. I concentrated and focused on making small adjustments to the poses and felt amazing. Maybe Prime Rib is good for Yoga! My "cob webs" of tiredness from a big night out were gone within 3 poses. I did every single pose to the best of my ability and was not looking around at the poor folks I love to comment on! I was doing it I was a Yogi today. I did not cling to my water bottle for security or need to take any breaks. I tried to make my transitions fluid and did not fuss with my hair or clothes. I paid attention to my breath and I tried not to be bothered with the sweat in my eyes. I talked a little to instructor after and told her how strong I felt. She said I did well and looked happy about it. I probably had a big stupid smile on my face. I loved my Yoga today.
So I know that Jenny Craig is not the answer to a life time spent at goal weight ( once I get there) they have a maintenance program that includes eating real food. I have to keep my mind on that goal. The structure of the portion control and the routine of eating this way needs to reprogram my mind. Giving myself 1-2 meals on my own does help too and it is with the blessing of the weight loss counselor. I like some of the things that weight watchers offers- activity points , extra points, fitting in being social (drinking) in to the program but I am not strong enough for this right yet. I am the Queen of rationalizing things so right now I will commit to continuing Jenny Craig. Not sure why it is coming off so slowly but I will continue. I do not think I will write every day. I will just write when I have something to say. If the scale on Thursday does not show at lest 2 pounds I am going to have to look at the weekends and figure something else out of I will not hit goal in the spring.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
A Little Summary- Weigh Day!
So in 7 weeks 13 pounds gone! After carefully calculated weekends that allow partying , a gradual increase in exercising and not giving up 1/2 and 1/2 in my coffee I am still losing! Debt reduction is slow and steady too. No charge cards used for anything in 7 weeks. This part is a little less exciting to talk about.
The increase in activity- biking to work more religiously and Yoga 3-4 times , Jenny Craig food for 7 breakfasts , 7 lunches, 5-6 dinners with 1-2 nights of "cheating" and all is well. The Yoga is making me hungry though so today we took a look at my activity and the weight loss counselor said " you should probably be at 1700 cal/day you should be eating like a man." This little piece of advise both cracks me up and scares me at the same time. First, the only difference between 1500 and 1700 is 1/2 a sandwich to be eaten between lunch and dinner.I can not translate this to - EAT MORE. It is 1 fat 2 proteins and a carb. Not that much but if done on days I am not working out she warned I may gain weight. This brings me to the things I do not tell her like the 1/2 and 1/2 in my coffee, the fat free tapioca instead of milk the extra light whipping cream ( a limited free item) I put on everything. I also use more olive oil on my dinner time veggies than I am suppose to . I will eat something if I am starving, not part of the routine and not on days that are not active. I will concentrate on the little things too this week from taking the stairs to changing to low fat milk in my coffee. I guess I am fine tuning. Things I was unwilling to do I will try.
I have a plan for increasing the stairs. Just changing my morning routine gives me 20 extra flights of stairs /week. Here is how it will work. I will go up one flight to the Pete's Coffee in the hospital, get my coffee and then walk up to the 5th floor to my locker room and then walk back down 1 flight of stairs to the OR. It breaks up the 5 flight hike and makes it seem easier. I also get a little reward- my coffee which will now have low fat milk instead of cream. I just need my knees to cooperate. They should be warmed up as I will have just done a 20 bike ride. Note to self bring deodorant to work.
This may sound gross but it is hard to talk about weight loss without addressing the effects of constipation. It can be a factor that makes the entire process absolutely frustrating. Today after I weighed I came home and nature called - I almost went back for a "do over!" weigh in.!! This is part of the "kookiness" of living on a program where you really are results driven. I witnessed a fellow kook today at JC., actually 2. One was a weight loss counselor that I really do not know who confessed to me that she ate out every night this week, refuses to weigh in this week but gained 3 pounds. Well if she refuses to weigh how does she know she gained exactly 3 pounds? See this will make you a bit crazy. It is the official weigh in that we hold so important. You could go home and poop and weigh in less and somehow it does not count. The other fellow kooky lady was older and at goal weight. I will admit I search for the lightest clothes I own to wear on "weigh in" day. Today I froze my tush off in the parking lot! This lady brought it to a new level, she did a strip tease in the waiting room until she was basically in a bathing suit. She than was asking about one of the scales they sell that can give a body fat percentage as well as water weight analysis. It also gives you your weight and horoscope (not really but it should) . Seems cool but all these extra tid bits of information, this micromanaging can make you a bit nuts. I know I used to have one of these scales. . After they went through all the healthy ranges of fat and water. The lady seemed confused. She said I think my body fat is 48%. I did pop in and object, after all she was standing there in a bathing suit and there was no way she was over 30% She then was asking about the all important water component and the counselor told her to just make sure her urine was clear. It should actually be more like lemonade, I almost interrupted again but decided the lady was not all there and decided to let it go. She asked all kinds of questions it was obviously her first diet.
So all the factors that go into simply losing 1 pound can make one nuts. I know I am! but 13 (probably more) pounds less nuts. Now I want nuts! TTFN The plan for today and Friday Yoga , bike Jenny Craig. Saturday Yoga before the House of Prime Rib. J
The increase in activity- biking to work more religiously and Yoga 3-4 times , Jenny Craig food for 7 breakfasts , 7 lunches, 5-6 dinners with 1-2 nights of "cheating" and all is well. The Yoga is making me hungry though so today we took a look at my activity and the weight loss counselor said " you should probably be at 1700 cal/day you should be eating like a man." This little piece of advise both cracks me up and scares me at the same time. First, the only difference between 1500 and 1700 is 1/2 a sandwich to be eaten between lunch and dinner.I can not translate this to - EAT MORE. It is 1 fat 2 proteins and a carb. Not that much but if done on days I am not working out she warned I may gain weight. This brings me to the things I do not tell her like the 1/2 and 1/2 in my coffee, the fat free tapioca instead of milk the extra light whipping cream ( a limited free item) I put on everything. I also use more olive oil on my dinner time veggies than I am suppose to . I will eat something if I am starving, not part of the routine and not on days that are not active. I will concentrate on the little things too this week from taking the stairs to changing to low fat milk in my coffee. I guess I am fine tuning. Things I was unwilling to do I will try.
I have a plan for increasing the stairs. Just changing my morning routine gives me 20 extra flights of stairs /week. Here is how it will work. I will go up one flight to the Pete's Coffee in the hospital, get my coffee and then walk up to the 5th floor to my locker room and then walk back down 1 flight of stairs to the OR. It breaks up the 5 flight hike and makes it seem easier. I also get a little reward- my coffee which will now have low fat milk instead of cream. I just need my knees to cooperate. They should be warmed up as I will have just done a 20 bike ride. Note to self bring deodorant to work.
This may sound gross but it is hard to talk about weight loss without addressing the effects of constipation. It can be a factor that makes the entire process absolutely frustrating. Today after I weighed I came home and nature called - I almost went back for a "do over!" weigh in.!! This is part of the "kookiness" of living on a program where you really are results driven. I witnessed a fellow kook today at JC., actually 2. One was a weight loss counselor that I really do not know who confessed to me that she ate out every night this week, refuses to weigh in this week but gained 3 pounds. Well if she refuses to weigh how does she know she gained exactly 3 pounds? See this will make you a bit crazy. It is the official weigh in that we hold so important. You could go home and poop and weigh in less and somehow it does not count. The other fellow kooky lady was older and at goal weight. I will admit I search for the lightest clothes I own to wear on "weigh in" day. Today I froze my tush off in the parking lot! This lady brought it to a new level, she did a strip tease in the waiting room until she was basically in a bathing suit. She than was asking about one of the scales they sell that can give a body fat percentage as well as water weight analysis. It also gives you your weight and horoscope (not really but it should) . Seems cool but all these extra tid bits of information, this micromanaging can make you a bit nuts. I know I used to have one of these scales. . After they went through all the healthy ranges of fat and water. The lady seemed confused. She said I think my body fat is 48%. I did pop in and object, after all she was standing there in a bathing suit and there was no way she was over 30% She then was asking about the all important water component and the counselor told her to just make sure her urine was clear. It should actually be more like lemonade, I almost interrupted again but decided the lady was not all there and decided to let it go. She asked all kinds of questions it was obviously her first diet.
So all the factors that go into simply losing 1 pound can make one nuts. I know I am! but 13 (probably more) pounds less nuts. Now I want nuts! TTFN The plan for today and Friday Yoga , bike Jenny Craig. Saturday Yoga before the House of Prime Rib. J
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
everything is GREAT!
Tuesday was my 14 year wedding anniversary. No need to celebrate with excess gifts and food. Watching the Giants game as a family, me doing Yoga, getting creative with JC food and Jack getting to golf -makes everyone happy. Saturday will be House of Prime Rib so really no need to celebrate twice. In the past I would have for sure celebrated both days. The scale was WAY better today. I know I am not suppose to weigh every day but when I know it is gonna reflect water weight getting in balance well I just can not help it.
... Now Wednesday, all is well. yesterday I got to go toYoga, celebrated my anniversary and watched the Giants lose. Had a nice eve without hurting myself or others! Jack brought home wine, flowers and a gift. I wanted a glass of wine but did not want the calories if the Giants were not going to win for sure.! He said I jinxed them. I swear I gained a ton last year from clinching the playoffs, the plays offs and winning the World Series. Every time I turned around we were celebrating something. So in a really weird way I want baseball season to end. At least with football there are not so many games.
Yoga was interesting. It was a hot day in S.F. making the Yoga studio hotter than usual. Most folks are smarter than me and were probably at the beach. Me and a few old dudes sweat it out together. I went over CPR in my head as I meditated and wondered what old man would go down first and if 2 went down at the same time who I would help? I worked hard and showed progress but pushed to the point where I really was unable to do the last pose. My back, once again speaking up rather sternly in German , warned me to slow down - so I did.
The scale "winked" at me this morning with a little smile and I am hoping it will show a 2-3 pound on Thursday at JC. So despite 3 days of play all could be well! I am a little excited.
Shopping update- still have those damn Ralph Lauren boots in my Bloomingdale's basket! I just look at them every once in a while. Jack gave me a Nordstrom gift card and did not tell me how much it is for. It is unmarked. So when I do hit up Nordstroms I will first ask someone to tell me how much it is for before I get to the check out counter. I could see myself thinking it was for $500 (it could happen) and it be for $100 and be too embarrassed to put things back. I did this once with a prime rib. It just looked so good and I did not bother to look at the price and almost dropped dead at the check out counter but bought it anyway. $100 prime rib for 2! It would be too embarrassing to say "oh shit- I can not afford that can I exchange it for hamburger?"
... Now Wednesday, all is well. yesterday I got to go toYoga, celebrated my anniversary and watched the Giants lose. Had a nice eve without hurting myself or others! Jack brought home wine, flowers and a gift. I wanted a glass of wine but did not want the calories if the Giants were not going to win for sure.! He said I jinxed them. I swear I gained a ton last year from clinching the playoffs, the plays offs and winning the World Series. Every time I turned around we were celebrating something. So in a really weird way I want baseball season to end. At least with football there are not so many games.
Yoga was interesting. It was a hot day in S.F. making the Yoga studio hotter than usual. Most folks are smarter than me and were probably at the beach. Me and a few old dudes sweat it out together. I went over CPR in my head as I meditated and wondered what old man would go down first and if 2 went down at the same time who I would help? I worked hard and showed progress but pushed to the point where I really was unable to do the last pose. My back, once again speaking up rather sternly in German , warned me to slow down - so I did.
The scale "winked" at me this morning with a little smile and I am hoping it will show a 2-3 pound on Thursday at JC. So despite 3 days of play all could be well! I am a little excited.
Shopping update- still have those damn Ralph Lauren boots in my Bloomingdale's basket! I just look at them every once in a while. Jack gave me a Nordstrom gift card and did not tell me how much it is for. It is unmarked. So when I do hit up Nordstroms I will first ask someone to tell me how much it is for before I get to the check out counter. I could see myself thinking it was for $500 (it could happen) and it be for $100 and be too embarrassed to put things back. I did this once with a prime rib. It just looked so good and I did not bother to look at the price and almost dropped dead at the check out counter but bought it anyway. $100 prime rib for 2! It would be too embarrassing to say "oh shit- I can not afford that can I exchange it for hamburger?"
Monday, September 19, 2011
Thanks God it's Monday?
Never thought I would say "Thank God for Monday! Seems if I think really hard there were some positives to be made from this weekend. When I got on the scale Saturday morning it showed the weight I lost over the week- 3 lb dip! There were many positives. Spent time with family and had a wonderful time.Brought healthy food and got through the buffet with making good choices. I brought the Skinny Girl Margarita too. Despite planning some things on Sunday and Friday night just got away from me. I am going to try and stay positive, so instead of a blog filled with guilt and confessions I will describe some of the things that went right! So you may infer there were lots of things that went wrong.
First Let me explain about "Enright" parties. They usually last 2 days My family is more of a Fraternity. Sigma Kappa Enright! You would think people in their 40's 50's 60' 70's and 80's would settle down. This is not the case. My 83 year old Dad was cutting a rug and drinking Manhattans till about 1 am. Going into this with the notion of "dieting" may have been foolish. At one point I saw my 13 year old with the microphone (there was DJ!) she was wearing a fur cheetah cowboy hat sun glasses and singing along with the Black Eyed Peas. It was a proud moment for me The next day 6 of us were in the pool by 8:30AM floating and eating grapes. hydrating together! I am going to make up my mind to just move on and be grateful for the time with my family. Worked off some calories dancing too! In fact, the Metalica medley at the end of the night has rendered my neck stiff, my heel spur has flared up and the hip hop numbers made me feel like someone hopped on my hip. Seriously in pain!
A little about hydration. the extreme water loss in Bikram Yoga combined with the water loss from alcohol creates a situation in the following days of extreme water retention. I am talking a 5 pound difference from Saturday morning after Yoga to Monday. I know it is water but it is a bit of a let down. Lots of water today should help.- will help. 5 Lb of fat would be an excess of 17500 calories and that did not happen. The biggest mistake was lunch on Sunday and then trying to makeup for all of it by skipping Sunday dinner and getting too hungry. Jack ordered Chinese food and I ate some of that without really paying attention from the cartons while standing at the kitchen counter thinking, I would just start over Monday. Stupid but I am not in this position because of my brilliance with food choices.
Today I was asked "why I was so obsessed with weight loss?" I think the answer is I have never been at home in my own skin. When I was a kid I was always a few pounds heavier than my best friend. My Brother teased me a lot and I had the nick name Mary Pat the Fat Brat. "Thin" periods in my life were short. I guess I am also on a quest for control. I have noticed that every time my daughter goes into the hospital ( average 2 weeks a year for the first 10 years) I went on a diet. I really believe this is a brain problem not a stomach problem. I think that is why people who have gastric bypasses gain weight back. When they have brain surgery for weight loss I may be a candidate.
Back on my bike today eating right and drinking water in order to rehydrate. Still hopeful! Not giving up but getting a little tired of the weekends screwing everything up. Do not see any way around them. The next few are going to be tough. We will see what happens!
First Let me explain about "Enright" parties. They usually last 2 days My family is more of a Fraternity. Sigma Kappa Enright! You would think people in their 40's 50's 60' 70's and 80's would settle down. This is not the case. My 83 year old Dad was cutting a rug and drinking Manhattans till about 1 am. Going into this with the notion of "dieting" may have been foolish. At one point I saw my 13 year old with the microphone (there was DJ!) she was wearing a fur cheetah cowboy hat sun glasses and singing along with the Black Eyed Peas. It was a proud moment for me The next day 6 of us were in the pool by 8:30AM floating and eating grapes. hydrating together! I am going to make up my mind to just move on and be grateful for the time with my family. Worked off some calories dancing too! In fact, the Metalica medley at the end of the night has rendered my neck stiff, my heel spur has flared up and the hip hop numbers made me feel like someone hopped on my hip. Seriously in pain!
A little about hydration. the extreme water loss in Bikram Yoga combined with the water loss from alcohol creates a situation in the following days of extreme water retention. I am talking a 5 pound difference from Saturday morning after Yoga to Monday. I know it is water but it is a bit of a let down. Lots of water today should help.- will help. 5 Lb of fat would be an excess of 17500 calories and that did not happen. The biggest mistake was lunch on Sunday and then trying to makeup for all of it by skipping Sunday dinner and getting too hungry. Jack ordered Chinese food and I ate some of that without really paying attention from the cartons while standing at the kitchen counter thinking, I would just start over Monday. Stupid but I am not in this position because of my brilliance with food choices.
Today I was asked "why I was so obsessed with weight loss?" I think the answer is I have never been at home in my own skin. When I was a kid I was always a few pounds heavier than my best friend. My Brother teased me a lot and I had the nick name Mary Pat the Fat Brat. "Thin" periods in my life were short. I guess I am also on a quest for control. I have noticed that every time my daughter goes into the hospital ( average 2 weeks a year for the first 10 years) I went on a diet. I really believe this is a brain problem not a stomach problem. I think that is why people who have gastric bypasses gain weight back. When they have brain surgery for weight loss I may be a candidate.
Back on my bike today eating right and drinking water in order to rehydrate. Still hopeful! Not giving up but getting a little tired of the weekends screwing everything up. Do not see any way around them. The next few are going to be tough. We will see what happens!
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Had to Share
OK I was not going to write until after the "big" party but I have to sharer my morning. Woke up tired with about 9 excuses not to do Yoga. I said to myself "I'll just put the Yoga clothes on maybe that will inspire me." It did, I did go to class with the notion of just taking breaks if it was too painful. I was smart and took some ibuprofen ( for the cramps) and ate a lite JC breakfast an hour and 1/2 before class. I was doing the right things and started to feel good about myself despite eating pizza last night (that is another story) I arrived early and acclimated to the heat for 15 min or so. I took my place in the back row and meditated and reassured myself that if I felt like I was going to die I would just sit down. Oddly enough as I did the moves I felt great. There was no cramping and I felt strong. The usual dizziness with a couple certain poses but otherwise I felt and now feel great. Step one towards getting through this day is done.
Excuses I said to myself before class"
1/) I am a bit dehydrated from yesterday
2.) I have cramps
3.) I did it yesterday I can always do it Sunday instead
4.) will my 13 year be Ok alone for 1 1/2 hours?
5.) maybe I should take the dogs out instead
6.) I am tiered
7.) this is will surely screw up my hair
I was able to get past all of those and simply do the damn class. Yhea me. Now will I get to karaoke time without being a drunken mess? Will I really eat a meal instead of grazing all day? Will I get to the store to buy stuffed mushrooms and diet coke? Yes I will!
Yesterday, at the funeral reception, I was standing next to the food with my friend. I had noticed that this was an Irish Funeral with Irish people and no one was eating the prosciutto! This would not happen at my house. We were at a lull in our conversation and noticed our friend's brother and his wife whom we have not seen in years. My friend said looking at the food, ": I am on weight watchers." I said "Jenny Craig," the skinny wife said " I battle food every day" and the dude said , "me too that is why I do half marathons" We came together and spent a long time talking about various strategies. I thought I had tried every diet but alas I have not. There is a completely different level of craziness that I have yet to rise too. I am talking about food combing the blood type diet and being a vegetarian. I was captivated as this little lady talked about the evolutionary reasons we have different blood types and that those blood types yield a need for different diets. I am Type A (A + actually and the only A+ I ever got) She said that I should be a vegetarian. Type O gets to be the meat eaters. I am not telling my "Type O" husband , this would give him entirely too much material.he is the biggest carnivore I have ever met. I am not buying it, it seems a little koo koo even for me. Gluten free for those with celiac is another tough road. I am suspicious of the amount of people now with celiac disease. I feel the amount of Celiac diagnosis are rivaled only by the diagnosis of autism. Too much. I will buy the diagnosis if it was made by GI Dr who actually took a biopsy of the colon. I really feel nutritionist are full of shit when they make the call. I can not argue with someone feeling better after cutting gluten out of their diet but it may be just because they are now just eating better. Just my theory. I could not even imagine being a vegan with celiac disease.
OK wish me luck off I go!
Excuses I said to myself before class"
1/) I am a bit dehydrated from yesterday
2.) I have cramps
3.) I did it yesterday I can always do it Sunday instead
4.) will my 13 year be Ok alone for 1 1/2 hours?
5.) maybe I should take the dogs out instead
6.) I am tiered
7.) this is will surely screw up my hair
I was able to get past all of those and simply do the damn class. Yhea me. Now will I get to karaoke time without being a drunken mess? Will I really eat a meal instead of grazing all day? Will I get to the store to buy stuffed mushrooms and diet coke? Yes I will!
Yesterday, at the funeral reception, I was standing next to the food with my friend. I had noticed that this was an Irish Funeral with Irish people and no one was eating the prosciutto! This would not happen at my house. We were at a lull in our conversation and noticed our friend's brother and his wife whom we have not seen in years. My friend said looking at the food, ": I am on weight watchers." I said "Jenny Craig," the skinny wife said " I battle food every day" and the dude said , "me too that is why I do half marathons" We came together and spent a long time talking about various strategies. I thought I had tried every diet but alas I have not. There is a completely different level of craziness that I have yet to rise too. I am talking about food combing the blood type diet and being a vegetarian. I was captivated as this little lady talked about the evolutionary reasons we have different blood types and that those blood types yield a need for different diets. I am Type A (A + actually and the only A+ I ever got) She said that I should be a vegetarian. Type O gets to be the meat eaters. I am not telling my "Type O" husband , this would give him entirely too much material.he is the biggest carnivore I have ever met. I am not buying it, it seems a little koo koo even for me. Gluten free for those with celiac is another tough road. I am suspicious of the amount of people now with celiac disease. I feel the amount of Celiac diagnosis are rivaled only by the diagnosis of autism. Too much. I will buy the diagnosis if it was made by GI Dr who actually took a biopsy of the colon. I really feel nutritionist are full of shit when they make the call. I can not argue with someone feeling better after cutting gluten out of their diet but it may be just because they are now just eating better. Just my theory. I could not even imagine being a vegan with celiac disease.
OK wish me luck off I go!
Friday, September 16, 2011
Friday blog planning and reassessing
Today is Friday and the weekend to implement some of the things I have learned over the last few weeks. In many of my blogs I find my self saying "next time...plan, next time move more..." So here goes nothing.
The start of the day.- I went to work today with the hopes that I could get relieved so I could attend a funeral for a dear friend's Dad. I know dieting and drinking yield a silly Mary prone to headaches. dieting PMS Mary yield a total bitch. This morning , to my new boss, I said , I believe my exact words were, "If I do not get out of here by noon I am sure as hell not coming Monday." The next thing I knew about 30 min into my shift I was getting relieved. I am not sure if I was being punished or if being an unprofessional bitch pays off. Regardless after apologies to all I got off work early. For the record I shocked myself and promptly turned myself in to my boss (she was pissed) and I apologized to her and to the new boss I am a winmp.
I actually ended up with extra time, so risking screwing up my freshly blown flat hair, I went to Yoga. In the past screwing up my hair would be a perfect excuse not to work out. There are many reasons not to work out screwing up hair, having to shower again, taking shoes off, having to shave arm pits, cramps, too many things to do, I think I might be hurt or get hurt, it is foggy it is sunny it is raining and so on As I had breakfast at 6:30am, I was strong in the 9:30 class. I felt good and just tried to do as the instructor said as she said it. All in all it was a great work out and the water weight gain that comes with PMS ended up all over my towel and yoga outfit. I saw a river of water rushing down my nose. My mouth tasted very salty as it's salt concentration increased due to the extreme water loss, that, or, even the inside of my mouth sweat! I did an experiment and weighed after class. Despite drinking 2 liters of waster during and after class I lost one pound from this morning. Usually the number I see on the scale just after waking up and naked is not seen until the following morning. So seeing it go down after eating and drinking is a tiny miracle or proof that the heat in Bikram Yoga makes you sweat A LOT!
So here is the plan for the rest of the weekend. JC Friday , work out and maybe some wine. Saturday JC Breakfast and Lunch, work out and a party wear I will not get drunk and mindlessly eat. I will bring some healthy yummy choices like tomato fresh mozzarella and basil, carrots and hummus... I will make a plate of food for dinner instead of just munching. Hit up Costco for some Skinny Girl Margarita's. Hell with the hair I am getting in the pool and having fun.
Yesterday I was tempted like crazy for an unknown reason to shop on-line. I did not do it and was disturbed at the "Jonesing" feeling I had. I went so far as putting things in my basket and just seeing what they would cost with the special promotional discount if I used my card. I got a bit wigged out and logged off in a hurry. I confessed to Jack and he said I was weird. I guess I am but I know I am not the only fat American with credit card debt there are lots of weirdos out there. Maybe I felt deserving. After all, if a "Real Houswife" can have it why can't I? Maybe because some of them are actually rich. Whatever I stopped myself and I am confessing.
... Went to an Irish Funeral and acted like someone at an Irish Funeral at least I worked out first and ate a normal lumch and breakfast. Talk or confess to you all after I go to a huge paty Saturday.
The start of the day.- I went to work today with the hopes that I could get relieved so I could attend a funeral for a dear friend's Dad. I know dieting and drinking yield a silly Mary prone to headaches. dieting PMS Mary yield a total bitch. This morning , to my new boss, I said , I believe my exact words were, "If I do not get out of here by noon I am sure as hell not coming Monday." The next thing I knew about 30 min into my shift I was getting relieved. I am not sure if I was being punished or if being an unprofessional bitch pays off. Regardless after apologies to all I got off work early. For the record I shocked myself and promptly turned myself in to my boss (she was pissed) and I apologized to her and to the new boss I am a winmp.
I actually ended up with extra time, so risking screwing up my freshly blown flat hair, I went to Yoga. In the past screwing up my hair would be a perfect excuse not to work out. There are many reasons not to work out screwing up hair, having to shower again, taking shoes off, having to shave arm pits, cramps, too many things to do, I think I might be hurt or get hurt, it is foggy it is sunny it is raining and so on As I had breakfast at 6:30am, I was strong in the 9:30 class. I felt good and just tried to do as the instructor said as she said it. All in all it was a great work out and the water weight gain that comes with PMS ended up all over my towel and yoga outfit. I saw a river of water rushing down my nose. My mouth tasted very salty as it's salt concentration increased due to the extreme water loss, that, or, even the inside of my mouth sweat! I did an experiment and weighed after class. Despite drinking 2 liters of waster during and after class I lost one pound from this morning. Usually the number I see on the scale just after waking up and naked is not seen until the following morning. So seeing it go down after eating and drinking is a tiny miracle or proof that the heat in Bikram Yoga makes you sweat A LOT!
So here is the plan for the rest of the weekend. JC Friday , work out and maybe some wine. Saturday JC Breakfast and Lunch, work out and a party wear I will not get drunk and mindlessly eat. I will bring some healthy yummy choices like tomato fresh mozzarella and basil, carrots and hummus... I will make a plate of food for dinner instead of just munching. Hit up Costco for some Skinny Girl Margarita's. Hell with the hair I am getting in the pool and having fun.
Yesterday I was tempted like crazy for an unknown reason to shop on-line. I did not do it and was disturbed at the "Jonesing" feeling I had. I went so far as putting things in my basket and just seeing what they would cost with the special promotional discount if I used my card. I got a bit wigged out and logged off in a hurry. I confessed to Jack and he said I was weird. I guess I am but I know I am not the only fat American with credit card debt there are lots of weirdos out there. Maybe I felt deserving. After all, if a "Real Houswife" can have it why can't I? Maybe because some of them are actually rich. Whatever I stopped myself and I am confessing.
... Went to an Irish Funeral and acted like someone at an Irish Funeral at least I worked out first and ate a normal lumch and breakfast. Talk or confess to you all after I go to a huge paty Saturday.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Pretty much for Girls
Here is the deal - PMS is the name of the game today- I do not think dudes are reading this so hear goes. After a week of being nearly perfect the scale is not budging thankfully in either direction. It is always weird how my period is such a huge surprise. But when you add up mood, appetite and bloating it can only be one thing. I guess it could be 2 things but there is no way I am pregnant!
So it happens to be the double whammy weigh day. First I go to the SHINE study for my one year follow up. I was hoping for a good report card. Next I go to JC for my weekly weigh in. A scheduling nightmare but it is my day off and I have to consolidate appointment. This is going to suck and the fight or flight is kicking in and I really want to fly. But I am not. I am sure I will just walk into the office talking a mile a minute about my period to some chick that does not care and be that weird hyper silly women who talked too much. So be it. At least I get my roots done at 2PM! I am fasting for the blood draw right now and hungry. I hate to eat in front of the study people and they always offer cereal fruit and yogurt right after the blood draw. I guess they figure over weigh people will surely self combust skipping a meal. So afraid of lowered blood sugars and taking measurments they feed you. I always figure because it is a study that they are studying what and how much we eat. Will she read the label of the Yogurt? Will she have the milk and yogurt? I always try and decline and then end up eating the cereal with the milk and skipping the yogurt.
Any how I expect a great week next week or in a few days. The good part of being on a journey to reduce debt and my waist line is when one is not working out you can probably feel good about the other. Unless I maxed out my credit card at a restaurant, in that case I would be sunk!
Break... I will be in touch after weigh in...
I am back. Not all bad. I was not that chatty weird lady I thought I might be. Maybe in anticipating the behavior born from the anxiety one can get a grip, behave and just be a polite patient. I was weighed and the world did not stop. I talked about getting a job in the OR with the guy who took my blood , food was offered I declined. I know if they plopped in front of me I would of had it! Weighing in I was the same as last week but less than 6 months ago and not more. My measurements showed improvement my waist and hips are now 2 different numbers! We are heading in the correct direction and I know the number on the scale this week reflects a premenstrual lady. Breath!!!
At JC, my regular weight loss counselor was very excited. She is also a very good salesperson. I know the deal because I used to do her job -quite well. She tried to sell me, of course at a significant discount, some sort of monitor you wear that calculates energy expense , calories in and out... I do not need a machine to tell me how I am doing my jeans do that. This is where weight loss and debt reduction cross roads. Usually if they are selling I am buying. I reminded her about my quest and she seemed very disappointed. She said, "of all my clients I thought you would buy one for sure!" Not today bitch! (said in a silly but confident tone)
So it happens to be the double whammy weigh day. First I go to the SHINE study for my one year follow up. I was hoping for a good report card. Next I go to JC for my weekly weigh in. A scheduling nightmare but it is my day off and I have to consolidate appointment. This is going to suck and the fight or flight is kicking in and I really want to fly. But I am not. I am sure I will just walk into the office talking a mile a minute about my period to some chick that does not care and be that weird hyper silly women who talked too much. So be it. At least I get my roots done at 2PM! I am fasting for the blood draw right now and hungry. I hate to eat in front of the study people and they always offer cereal fruit and yogurt right after the blood draw. I guess they figure over weigh people will surely self combust skipping a meal. So afraid of lowered blood sugars and taking measurments they feed you. I always figure because it is a study that they are studying what and how much we eat. Will she read the label of the Yogurt? Will she have the milk and yogurt? I always try and decline and then end up eating the cereal with the milk and skipping the yogurt.
Any how I expect a great week next week or in a few days. The good part of being on a journey to reduce debt and my waist line is when one is not working out you can probably feel good about the other. Unless I maxed out my credit card at a restaurant, in that case I would be sunk!
Break... I will be in touch after weigh in...
I am back. Not all bad. I was not that chatty weird lady I thought I might be. Maybe in anticipating the behavior born from the anxiety one can get a grip, behave and just be a polite patient. I was weighed and the world did not stop. I talked about getting a job in the OR with the guy who took my blood , food was offered I declined. I know if they plopped in front of me I would of had it! Weighing in I was the same as last week but less than 6 months ago and not more. My measurements showed improvement my waist and hips are now 2 different numbers! We are heading in the correct direction and I know the number on the scale this week reflects a premenstrual lady. Breath!!!
At JC, my regular weight loss counselor was very excited. She is also a very good salesperson. I know the deal because I used to do her job -quite well. She tried to sell me, of course at a significant discount, some sort of monitor you wear that calculates energy expense , calories in and out... I do not need a machine to tell me how I am doing my jeans do that. This is where weight loss and debt reduction cross roads. Usually if they are selling I am buying. I reminded her about my quest and she seemed very disappointed. She said, "of all my clients I thought you would buy one for sure!" Not today bitch! (said in a silly but confident tone)
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
My Guru Kirstie Alley is a size 4!
I have talked about Kirstie Alley for years in my stand-up act. It seems we are always on the same track we gain and lose together, only she is unaware of the connection we most certainly have. I love to make fun of it not her. She is now a size 4 ( not exactly sure I am buying the size maybe an 8) . What I am thinking is "yhea for me." It is like we are on a roller coaster together but she is sitting in front. We started losing together when she had just lost 5 lbs and was the spokes person for Jenny Craig. We failed that one together and both got fat again. I feel bonded with her. She is 60 and looks great I am taking everything positive out of this. I read some web comments posted under her picture and there are such haters out there.people who must be thin are so mean. Negative people that try to sum her up in 2 lines. Most likely from people that have never had to deal with weight issues. I can only imagine the thick skin a celebrity needs to keep in order to feel OK with themselves. I thought I had to have a thick skin working with Dr's but the general public is ruthless. Not sure I could take it. No worries about ever having to worry about that! Size 4 I could only dream about that, I really do not think that would be possible. unless I reconstructed my rib cage . I would be so happy with being an 8-10.
One thing I read in a very short article about Kirstie is that she had no idea at her biggest what she looked like. I actually believe this, even with all her tabloid exploitation, I understand what it is like to feel one way and to look another. It is weird how that can be the case. Right now I have lost some weight and feel pretty good, at least better, but when I put on clothes it is clear that there is plenty of work to do.
The Panda, Pablo Sandoval ( SF Giant currently hitting great ) is fat again. Last season after winning the World Series he got a warning about his weight. At the start of this season he looked trim and the press noticed. I saw a "before and after" photo comparing him today with the start of the season and he now has a spare tire around his waist. It makes me wonder if there is hope, come on, if you are a professional athlete with all the resources in the world and can not manage to keep off the pounds where is the hope for us regular chumps? Maybe, like Kirstie, he should go on dancing with the stars. I am more likely to be seen dancing in Bars!
I won a bike race today. Not sure the other person knew it was a race but I won! Hurray for imagination. I am pretty sure it was Lance Armstrong's ass who I kicked too. I was riding up hill in Golden Gate Park at 6 AM on my way to work and realized I was gaining on this young thing. I went for it and pedalled as fast as I could and past her. She had passed me earlier so we were racing. I know it and I won.
Yoga update- On Monday, I put my forehead on my knee. I did not think that possible. When it hit, and I really mean "hit" I was first shocked and then I looked to get the attention of the teacher so I could get some positive reinforcement or a witness but I was alone in that moment and so damn proud. My forehead was finally hitting my knee and I did not have to have a mastectomy to do it. I really wanted to share the moment with someone that knows how hard I have been working but she was looking into space while directing us in our practice. At home, when I tried to show Jack my new skill, he said " stop or you'll hurt yourself." True dat- It was tough to recreate and just a moment, a private moment of self satisfaction for me myself and I.
Loving the support I am receiving from the folks reading this!! It really helps to hear from you. I am surviving the constant bombardment of advertising and starting to get annoyed with department stores, I know where you are and know what you sell leave me the hell alone. When I am smaller I will buy new clothes- CASH.
One thing I read in a very short article about Kirstie is that she had no idea at her biggest what she looked like. I actually believe this, even with all her tabloid exploitation, I understand what it is like to feel one way and to look another. It is weird how that can be the case. Right now I have lost some weight and feel pretty good, at least better, but when I put on clothes it is clear that there is plenty of work to do.
The Panda, Pablo Sandoval ( SF Giant currently hitting great ) is fat again. Last season after winning the World Series he got a warning about his weight. At the start of this season he looked trim and the press noticed. I saw a "before and after" photo comparing him today with the start of the season and he now has a spare tire around his waist. It makes me wonder if there is hope, come on, if you are a professional athlete with all the resources in the world and can not manage to keep off the pounds where is the hope for us regular chumps? Maybe, like Kirstie, he should go on dancing with the stars. I am more likely to be seen dancing in Bars!
I won a bike race today. Not sure the other person knew it was a race but I won! Hurray for imagination. I am pretty sure it was Lance Armstrong's ass who I kicked too. I was riding up hill in Golden Gate Park at 6 AM on my way to work and realized I was gaining on this young thing. I went for it and pedalled as fast as I could and past her. She had passed me earlier so we were racing. I know it and I won.
Yoga update- On Monday, I put my forehead on my knee. I did not think that possible. When it hit, and I really mean "hit" I was first shocked and then I looked to get the attention of the teacher so I could get some positive reinforcement or a witness but I was alone in that moment and so damn proud. My forehead was finally hitting my knee and I did not have to have a mastectomy to do it. I really wanted to share the moment with someone that knows how hard I have been working but she was looking into space while directing us in our practice. At home, when I tried to show Jack my new skill, he said " stop or you'll hurt yourself." True dat- It was tough to recreate and just a moment, a private moment of self satisfaction for me myself and I.
Loving the support I am receiving from the folks reading this!! It really helps to hear from you. I am surviving the constant bombardment of advertising and starting to get annoyed with department stores, I know where you are and know what you sell leave me the hell alone. When I am smaller I will buy new clothes- CASH.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Journey or excavation
Thanks for the advise- you know who you are! There are many things we are told not to do but do them anyway! One is weighing every day. Sometimes I make myself weigh in just to motivate me for that day. It is at the risk of making me feel horrible but sometimes it does help me not cheat. . It is all such a head trip.
Motivation is in the mirror. Seeing myself in 3 mirrors at the same time is too much Mary too much motivation. . I got a glimpse of myself naked the other day I almost died. I am scared that once I uncover what lies beneath it will not be much better, after all it is older. I guess the entire thing is more of excavation than a journey. Or a journey through time. Sort of like when you go somewhere you have not been in quite some time and it kind looks the same but some things have been majorly changed due to being developed. That old field is now a Trader Joe's or strip mall complete with nail saloons and Starbucks. That place where your ass stood was hit by a land slide or sink hole. When I do get there will I recognize it?
Thinking back , the last time I was was somewhat happy with my weight was when I had my first date with Jack. We went to the House of Prime Rib and the next date me made me pork chops the rest was history. Steady weight gain, had a kid more weight gain a stressful job more weight gain. And do not for get the Yo Yo dieting. Do not get me wrong I am hopeful that I will get to goal weight just curious what that might look like!
Back at it full force, feeling better, back to work. Rode the bike to work today and yesterday and went to Yoga torture before picking up the kid. I really need to take a serious look at the activity part of this. I know I was ill last week and resting but when I was feeling better I did have moments of just being bored and wondering the house. I could have walked the dogs. I will try walking in the evening. My dad used to walk every night after dinner. Of coarse it was an excuse to smoke a cigar. Maybe if I start smoking I will have to go outside. Just kidding.
Temptation- the dreaded work pot luck. Indian food, lasagnas cookies brownies ... all in my bosses office. I was told I was a "lame ass" for not participating but whatever I really do not want to blow it for a pot luck. I was very hungry today and thankfully had packed yogurt and fruit along with my Jenny Craig. I did good! I did not have one bit of that food because I do know that once I start I will not stop.
Instead of Brownies I get brownie points.
Move and plan. The next 3 weekends there are challenges. 2 parties and one dinner planned at the House of Prime Rib! God help me!
Motivation is in the mirror. Seeing myself in 3 mirrors at the same time is too much Mary too much motivation. . I got a glimpse of myself naked the other day I almost died. I am scared that once I uncover what lies beneath it will not be much better, after all it is older. I guess the entire thing is more of excavation than a journey. Or a journey through time. Sort of like when you go somewhere you have not been in quite some time and it kind looks the same but some things have been majorly changed due to being developed. That old field is now a Trader Joe's or strip mall complete with nail saloons and Starbucks. That place where your ass stood was hit by a land slide or sink hole. When I do get there will I recognize it?
Thinking back , the last time I was was somewhat happy with my weight was when I had my first date with Jack. We went to the House of Prime Rib and the next date me made me pork chops the rest was history. Steady weight gain, had a kid more weight gain a stressful job more weight gain. And do not for get the Yo Yo dieting. Do not get me wrong I am hopeful that I will get to goal weight just curious what that might look like!
Back at it full force, feeling better, back to work. Rode the bike to work today and yesterday and went to Yoga torture before picking up the kid. I really need to take a serious look at the activity part of this. I know I was ill last week and resting but when I was feeling better I did have moments of just being bored and wondering the house. I could have walked the dogs. I will try walking in the evening. My dad used to walk every night after dinner. Of coarse it was an excuse to smoke a cigar. Maybe if I start smoking I will have to go outside. Just kidding.
Temptation- the dreaded work pot luck. Indian food, lasagnas cookies brownies ... all in my bosses office. I was told I was a "lame ass" for not participating but whatever I really do not want to blow it for a pot luck. I was very hungry today and thankfully had packed yogurt and fruit along with my Jenny Craig. I did good! I did not have one bit of that food because I do know that once I start I will not stop.
Instead of Brownies I get brownie points.
Move and plan. The next 3 weekends there are challenges. 2 parties and one dinner planned at the House of Prime Rib! God help me!
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Forgive me Father for I have sinned- How many Hail Mary's???
So I keep on changing the name of the blog, can't find a funny name that I am pleased with. I will keep changing it until I am happy because who the hell cares!?
Daily weight fluctuations are one of the most frustrating elements of weight loss Some times there is no reason for a 2 lb gain. None that you can remember anyway. Little things might give an indication what the scale will say, tight rings means water retention could be a couple pounds, haven't pooped depending how long could be a few pounds, drank a bottle of wine 3 LBs. These are all variables that could make one want to just jump on and demolish the scale. Drinking can screw with weight for 2-3 days all due to water weight gain. I am thinking it is just not worth it, the drinking that is. This all might come down to leaving Jenny Craig for AA! I have been down that route in my 20's and lets just say I lost a lot of weight just not drinking. It was a side effect of clean living. I was living on my own, pretty damn broke and not drinking. I was also a freshly divorced 27 year old with a few insurance company jobs varying in "horribleness" and a band that was gigging all the time. It was the best of times and the worst of times. I weighed 55 lbs less than I do right now I was single and a singer in a rock and roll band. It was fun and horrible. Divorce is a great for the waist line but tough to recover from emotionally. I felt good but still worried about my weight and was also trying to be tan and blond. I have given up on being blond and tan and went back to what "God" intended as far as color scheme goes.
It is very interesting that everyone I know has an opinion about my hair color and for once in my life I could give a shit what people think I should do with my hair. That is a gift of being in my 40's. I do not mind being in my 40's I do not yearn to be younger because believe it of not I enjoy being a little more mature or wiser. I think I just changed the subject in order to stop talking about drinking! Quick look over here and forget all about the drinking thing. Not ready to tackle that yet. Once a week is the goal until I grow up a bit more. OK?
So in case you have not guessed everything was fine last night until the mail came. A huge package with all Jack's incorporation things came so we ended up celebrating. There was a really cool stamp thingy to emboss "things" with some sort of official seal. Very fancy for a plumber and very Martha Stewart. The best part is that no one can take our house if he "f's" up! It is a huge reason to celebrate. His cousin and friend came over and the next thing I knew I was munching on chips and salsa and sipping (sipping!) on a bottle of fantastic Chardonnay. I am not hung over and for my punishment I have already done the laundry, changed my sheets, did the dishes and battled the dog hair on the hard wood floors. Also the scale served as Priest as I was 1 lb more than yesterday. Time to move on stay positive and get moving. I was not going to write this down I did not want to tell anyone but I am a good catholic (well Catholic, not really a good one , I only have one kid and do not go to church) but I am starting to look at this like confession. How many Hail Mary's shall I do????
Daily weight fluctuations are one of the most frustrating elements of weight loss Some times there is no reason for a 2 lb gain. None that you can remember anyway. Little things might give an indication what the scale will say, tight rings means water retention could be a couple pounds, haven't pooped depending how long could be a few pounds, drank a bottle of wine 3 LBs. These are all variables that could make one want to just jump on and demolish the scale. Drinking can screw with weight for 2-3 days all due to water weight gain. I am thinking it is just not worth it, the drinking that is. This all might come down to leaving Jenny Craig for AA! I have been down that route in my 20's and lets just say I lost a lot of weight just not drinking. It was a side effect of clean living. I was living on my own, pretty damn broke and not drinking. I was also a freshly divorced 27 year old with a few insurance company jobs varying in "horribleness" and a band that was gigging all the time. It was the best of times and the worst of times. I weighed 55 lbs less than I do right now I was single and a singer in a rock and roll band. It was fun and horrible. Divorce is a great for the waist line but tough to recover from emotionally. I felt good but still worried about my weight and was also trying to be tan and blond. I have given up on being blond and tan and went back to what "God" intended as far as color scheme goes.
It is very interesting that everyone I know has an opinion about my hair color and for once in my life I could give a shit what people think I should do with my hair. That is a gift of being in my 40's. I do not mind being in my 40's I do not yearn to be younger because believe it of not I enjoy being a little more mature or wiser. I think I just changed the subject in order to stop talking about drinking! Quick look over here and forget all about the drinking thing. Not ready to tackle that yet. Once a week is the goal until I grow up a bit more. OK?
So in case you have not guessed everything was fine last night until the mail came. A huge package with all Jack's incorporation things came so we ended up celebrating. There was a really cool stamp thingy to emboss "things" with some sort of official seal. Very fancy for a plumber and very Martha Stewart. The best part is that no one can take our house if he "f's" up! It is a huge reason to celebrate. His cousin and friend came over and the next thing I knew I was munching on chips and salsa and sipping (sipping!) on a bottle of fantastic Chardonnay. I am not hung over and for my punishment I have already done the laundry, changed my sheets, did the dishes and battled the dog hair on the hard wood floors. Also the scale served as Priest as I was 1 lb more than yesterday. Time to move on stay positive and get moving. I was not going to write this down I did not want to tell anyone but I am a good catholic (well Catholic, not really a good one , I only have one kid and do not go to church) but I am starting to look at this like confession. How many Hail Mary's shall I do????
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Teenagers- ARG!!!! and Inspiration of the granola kind
Teenagers! Enough to make you want to go into the kitchen grab a bag of chips fire up the Bloomingdale's boots sale and go nuts. I am not going to , but it seems like it might have helped when I was running wild with no self control. I am finding comfort in this blog, I am. It feels better just writing it out. This really might make the difference.
Being a cab driver and shuttling the little miss to her various commitments with no appreciation and tons of disrespect makes me so up tight. The things that come out of her mouth would be punishable by death when I was a kid. The kid has balls and I think she needs to be fixed. Life is hard especially when you have a disability and being strong is an attribute but when it turns on you it is the most stressful time of my week. We are now in different rooms and it is quiet.
Feeling better now...taking a deep breath!
So today was opening day at her Wheel Chair basketball club. The bad- I brought 3 dozen donuts, the good, I did not eat a one. This sort of sneaked up on me. It is way easier to find bulk junk than bulk health food at 8am Saturday morning. I knew there would be, and thank God , for the plentiful fruit brought by the good Moms. I did see the good Mom's enjoying the donuts! My blood sugar was at a sustainable level for the hell ride home. Hunger's number one sign is being cranky. If I went into the teenage torment cruise without water melon I may have landed the car in the Bay! I kept my calm and everyone is home safe.
I was inspired today (before I went to teenage hell) I saw one of the older Moms (older than me) Her son is grown and she looked fantastic. She was fit and smiling and had a glow to her. She got out on the court to scrimmage in wheel chair basketball and did it with a huge smile on her face. You could tell her inner beauty really shined right through her smile and easy going nature. Mostly she looked fit. I think she is around 60 and I thought her hot. I want to be a hot active 60 year old, in 14 years! I hope to look as good as she did when I am 50. She was natural, no make up, no fancy clothes. We were in Berkeley. I think you know the type. I do not know that I could ever be "granola" but I do admire the results.
Next time plan a healthy thing to bring for everyone, get out on the court myself and crank Lady Gaga on the way home !
Being a cab driver and shuttling the little miss to her various commitments with no appreciation and tons of disrespect makes me so up tight. The things that come out of her mouth would be punishable by death when I was a kid. The kid has balls and I think she needs to be fixed. Life is hard especially when you have a disability and being strong is an attribute but when it turns on you it is the most stressful time of my week. We are now in different rooms and it is quiet.
Feeling better now...taking a deep breath!
So today was opening day at her Wheel Chair basketball club. The bad- I brought 3 dozen donuts, the good, I did not eat a one. This sort of sneaked up on me. It is way easier to find bulk junk than bulk health food at 8am Saturday morning. I knew there would be, and thank God , for the plentiful fruit brought by the good Moms. I did see the good Mom's enjoying the donuts! My blood sugar was at a sustainable level for the hell ride home. Hunger's number one sign is being cranky. If I went into the teenage torment cruise without water melon I may have landed the car in the Bay! I kept my calm and everyone is home safe.
I was inspired today (before I went to teenage hell) I saw one of the older Moms (older than me) Her son is grown and she looked fantastic. She was fit and smiling and had a glow to her. She got out on the court to scrimmage in wheel chair basketball and did it with a huge smile on her face. You could tell her inner beauty really shined right through her smile and easy going nature. Mostly she looked fit. I think she is around 60 and I thought her hot. I want to be a hot active 60 year old, in 14 years! I hope to look as good as she did when I am 50. She was natural, no make up, no fancy clothes. We were in Berkeley. I think you know the type. I do not know that I could ever be "granola" but I do admire the results.
Next time plan a healthy thing to bring for everyone, get out on the court myself and crank Lady Gaga on the way home !
Friday, September 9, 2011
OOPs wear reading glasses while reading labels!
Obstacle of the week- a big time cold. Tough to be active when you feel like crap. I did eat my Jenny Craig food and stayed in bed a couple days. After a weekend that could have created a frustrating weigh in session I made a good recovery by sticking with the plan. I did delay the "weigh" day by one day so as not to infect my weight loss counselor. It worked out OK for a Holiday week mixed with a huge cold I still managed to lose exactly one pound for a grand total of 11.8 pounds in 5 weeks. Right on track. This week I am hoping for a 2-3 pound week. Well. I always hope for that. It seems it goes big week little week. Not so many challenges this wee so I am hopeful. So once I have some energy, I am back to work, the yoga studio and back on my bike. Not feeling like partying this weekend but you never know when that feeling will kick in. Meal on my own tonight is stuffed mushroom and raw tuna (Poki') YUMMY
So the stupid thing of the week. Misread a label. Instead of eating a 120 calorie yogurt I enjoyed the hell out of a 230 calorie Greek style yogurt. It was so damn good then I read the label again and almost barfed. Not really. Jack was kind enough to buy yogurt for me and what he saw was the fat calories. I ate the first one yesterday just finished the second. I even text him that it was the best yummy yogurt I have ever had , and that is, because it was full of fat! AHHH!!! Those calories should not count as I did not mean to eat them I should get some sort of "do-over" This is frustrating. I do not think an error of the yogurt kind will end me but it does piss me off! I could have had real ice cream for those calories!
I was watching TV because I am sick and there was a commercial for a pregnancy test that said " your body knows you're pregnant before you do!" They are trying to say that me and my body are 2 different entities and that body is hip to things before I am. My body knows things before my brain does? Evolution should work on this. They may have a point. My body knew about the extra yogurt calories before I did. The extra calories were stored long before my brain reread the label and freaked out. This is kind of tripping me out. Why can't we, me and my body become one, maybe a little communication?
So if "we" are two separate entities I will use this analogy. I feel a bit like a renter. I am a tenant in this big old broken down log cabin and I want to move or renovate into a sleek modern contemporary condo. A tall challenge. So I went from being 2 entities into different architecture metaphors. NyQuil is a potent drug.
This is getting weird I am going to go back to bed now right after I feed the dogs the rest of the best yogurt I have ever had.
This is a slow process and I hate it.
So the stupid thing of the week. Misread a label. Instead of eating a 120 calorie yogurt I enjoyed the hell out of a 230 calorie Greek style yogurt. It was so damn good then I read the label again and almost barfed. Not really. Jack was kind enough to buy yogurt for me and what he saw was the fat calories. I ate the first one yesterday just finished the second. I even text him that it was the best yummy yogurt I have ever had , and that is, because it was full of fat! AHHH!!! Those calories should not count as I did not mean to eat them I should get some sort of "do-over" This is frustrating. I do not think an error of the yogurt kind will end me but it does piss me off! I could have had real ice cream for those calories!
I was watching TV because I am sick and there was a commercial for a pregnancy test that said " your body knows you're pregnant before you do!" They are trying to say that me and my body are 2 different entities and that body is hip to things before I am. My body knows things before my brain does? Evolution should work on this. They may have a point. My body knew about the extra yogurt calories before I did. The extra calories were stored long before my brain reread the label and freaked out. This is kind of tripping me out. Why can't we, me and my body become one, maybe a little communication?
So if "we" are two separate entities I will use this analogy. I feel a bit like a renter. I am a tenant in this big old broken down log cabin and I want to move or renovate into a sleek modern contemporary condo. A tall challenge. So I went from being 2 entities into different architecture metaphors. NyQuil is a potent drug.
This is getting weird I am going to go back to bed now right after I feed the dogs the rest of the best yogurt I have ever had.
This is a slow process and I hate it.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
I am "Yogi" Bear
Next time I go to Yoga I am taking a note pad or a tape recorder because some of the stuff the teachers spew could be as classic as Tina Fey's " I can see Alaska from my house." The trouble is I can never remember it I so want to share. In front of me today was clearly a Yogi that works full time in Cirque de Sole. I felt like the opening act Cirque De Yogi Bear. (People that practice Yoga are called Yogi's- I have not referred to myself in this fashion as of yet.)
In yoga it is clear to me that I must be honest with my self. You have to push yourself enough to get a good work out but not so hard you cause permanent damage. You have to respect the warnings your body gives you and not be competitive with the 10 year old Olympic athlete next to you. Today my a back said " get behind the yellow caution tape or I will not be responsible for the pain you will feel next." It was serious and sounded German. It says this by various "zings and zaps" tingling in my lower back at the pace of the light show in "Close Encounters of the Third Kind. " You know at the end of the light and music exchange with the aliens. Bum bum bum bum bum faster and faster until I get sort of stuck bent over unable to arise in a ballerina like motion. I lift my upper body more like a baby camel getting up for the first time. Rather clumsily. The look on my face equals the awkwardness of my "un-balarina" like moves. Then I noticed that I forgot to take off my mascara and it had melted into a sort of Alice Cooper thing. I was pretty. But I was doing it and I am still proud of myself.
2 perfect food days and I have not used a credit card. I am so curious what the scale is going to say on Thursday. Will it be " hmm I can see you cheated on Saturday and Sunday for your punishment you take two steps backward, lose a turn and gain 2 pounds" or will it say " you made some great choices you are really doing this right - minus 2 pounds!" I have no idea. Will I have to go back to the drawing board or will I get to pat myself on the back. Today the scale gave me a little "F-U" But I am a savvy dieter and know that over the next couple days I can cheat fate by being perfect! I will let you know.
About fashion, I love it and I love clothes- weird for a fat chick but I have some tricks. I have never ever met a guy while wearing any kind of bathing suit. Something about the white skin and big bones. I tried to tan but the Irish side has taken ownership of any and all pigment. The best I can hope for is varying red hues. So any Summer romance had to start in Winter or early Spring at the latest. I look best in a sweater and have always done better with the Dudes in the seasons that the sweater makes an appearance. You have no idea how pleased I am that leggings are back in. Sweaters leggings and boots oh my. Bring on the Fall. This outfit is also the best to lose weight in, it can accommodate a wide variety of sizes without falling down or looking like you are wearing 90's grunge. Note although I am not trying to meet anyone any more and I do not dress to meet men I do like to flirt.
One more thing, why the hell am I doing this and what is the expectation? I think it is important to orient myself to time and place from time to time in order to stay focused and not get lost. I am still on track with my eye on ridding myselff of years of padding that has accumulated due to mindless eating and a sedentary life style. I am also on a quest to reduce my debt so I so I so I?? So I have more money to spend ! I mean save. I will do this by not buying anything with a credit card and by following a structured payment schedule I developed called "operation no more living paycheck to paycheck!" As far as expectation- I will never be a anything smaller than a size 8 so as far as Hollywood and New York are concerned I am a plus size model citizen. Good thing I live in SF and never plan on moving! The debt expectationns are as follows by June 2012 I will have paid down all department store credit cards and in the year to follow I will attack my car and Visa bill. The house mortgage is not part of this, that I will pay forever. During phase 2 ( visa...) I will be attempting to maintain my weight. When I am 50 I will be mostly debt free and quite hot. The reward as of now is a shopping spree just because that is what I like to do maybe I can change it to a trip. But if it is a trip I will need clothes so it might be prudent to do the shopping spree reward.
In yoga it is clear to me that I must be honest with my self. You have to push yourself enough to get a good work out but not so hard you cause permanent damage. You have to respect the warnings your body gives you and not be competitive with the 10 year old Olympic athlete next to you. Today my a back said " get behind the yellow caution tape or I will not be responsible for the pain you will feel next." It was serious and sounded German. It says this by various "zings and zaps" tingling in my lower back at the pace of the light show in "Close Encounters of the Third Kind. " You know at the end of the light and music exchange with the aliens. Bum bum bum bum bum faster and faster until I get sort of stuck bent over unable to arise in a ballerina like motion. I lift my upper body more like a baby camel getting up for the first time. Rather clumsily. The look on my face equals the awkwardness of my "un-balarina" like moves. Then I noticed that I forgot to take off my mascara and it had melted into a sort of Alice Cooper thing. I was pretty. But I was doing it and I am still proud of myself.
2 perfect food days and I have not used a credit card. I am so curious what the scale is going to say on Thursday. Will it be " hmm I can see you cheated on Saturday and Sunday for your punishment you take two steps backward, lose a turn and gain 2 pounds" or will it say " you made some great choices you are really doing this right - minus 2 pounds!" I have no idea. Will I have to go back to the drawing board or will I get to pat myself on the back. Today the scale gave me a little "F-U" But I am a savvy dieter and know that over the next couple days I can cheat fate by being perfect! I will let you know.
About fashion, I love it and I love clothes- weird for a fat chick but I have some tricks. I have never ever met a guy while wearing any kind of bathing suit. Something about the white skin and big bones. I tried to tan but the Irish side has taken ownership of any and all pigment. The best I can hope for is varying red hues. So any Summer romance had to start in Winter or early Spring at the latest. I look best in a sweater and have always done better with the Dudes in the seasons that the sweater makes an appearance. You have no idea how pleased I am that leggings are back in. Sweaters leggings and boots oh my. Bring on the Fall. This outfit is also the best to lose weight in, it can accommodate a wide variety of sizes without falling down or looking like you are wearing 90's grunge. Note although I am not trying to meet anyone any more and I do not dress to meet men I do like to flirt.
One more thing, why the hell am I doing this and what is the expectation? I think it is important to orient myself to time and place from time to time in order to stay focused and not get lost. I am still on track with my eye on ridding myselff of years of padding that has accumulated due to mindless eating and a sedentary life style. I am also on a quest to reduce my debt so I so I so I?? So I have more money to spend ! I mean save. I will do this by not buying anything with a credit card and by following a structured payment schedule I developed called "operation no more living paycheck to paycheck!" As far as expectation- I will never be a anything smaller than a size 8 so as far as Hollywood and New York are concerned I am a plus size model citizen. Good thing I live in SF and never plan on moving! The debt expectationns are as follows by June 2012 I will have paid down all department store credit cards and in the year to follow I will attack my car and Visa bill. The house mortgage is not part of this, that I will pay forever. During phase 2 ( visa...) I will be attempting to maintain my weight. When I am 50 I will be mostly debt free and quite hot. The reward as of now is a shopping spree just because that is what I like to do maybe I can change it to a trip. But if it is a trip I will need clothes so it might be prudent to do the shopping spree reward.
Monday, September 5, 2011
Why is there no Jenny Craig Osso Bucco?
Home! This weekend at my Sister's cabin I felt like a bit of a loser with my Jenny Craig food. This morning my daughter wanted the Canadian bacon off my sunshine sandwich and I gave it to her. Usually it is tough luck to anyone wanting to share in my JC food. I get every bite! It is mine! I think the beagle has actually lost some weight too, his begging is not working for him Progress So yhea me for sharing.
I was perfect with breakfast and lunch and kind of fell a part at dinner. I thought this might be the case. Hopefully it will balance out. No huge bacon and pancake breakfast, no hot dogs or sausages for lunch no chips and drinks came out just before dinner. Progress... It is a party weekend so I feel I was better than in the past I did not buy any cheese but was in a hurry at the grocery store and walked in not sure of what I wanted to bring in addition to the basil and potatoes my sister requested. Next time a list. Do I really have to write down carrots and hummus? I was suppose to bring a cake too and ended up buying 3 smallish cakes at Robert's Market in Woodside. To quote someone I know "too many choices in America." One was angel food with a chocolate drizzle. Angel food cake is a diet cake choice! So I am trying. I also paid cash. Only drank at cocktail hour and admittedly I drank and then forgot I was suppose to trade my potato and dessert for the booze. . Opps. Not beating myself up until I weigh in on Thursday. It is what it is. I actually got pretty hungry and ate when I was hungry. I feel OK.
A little about food. My Mother is Italian and her parents had a Restaurant in down town SF. Now it is Foley's Irish Pub. My grandfathers probably rolling around in his grave as we speak. So Mom can cook. My favorite food growing up was stuffed breast of veal, the sauce from her osso bucco slathered on french bread would be my last meal if ever on death row. I did not get fat eating MacDonald's- Pizza maybe- but not domino's ( though I had to try it since the commercials promise a superior pizza now- it was alright)
Tried the Skinny Girl Margarita- quite nice 4 ounces is less than 100 calories. Quite a difference to the real thing. They have about the same amount of alcohol as a beer. But 12 ounces would be 300 calories so beer is better mathematically. I just could not do shots as the weight loss counselor suggested. I am over them for years now and that would be regressing! Plus my family would kill me. Mary on shots of any booze is a bit of a loud laughing nut that may cry at any moment.
Playing scrabble after drinking and eating JC foods makes for a game with quite an assortment of 2- 3 letter words. I lost to my daughter and my 85 year old Mother. Not my game.
The highlight of the weekend was when ,Elaine, my 13 year old, got mad at my Mom and I for not giving back her DS ( hand held video game) we had way too much fun taking pictures of ourselves and mutating them with special effects. Totally Rad! I wish we had this kind of a game when I was a kid. If you were cool you had pong if your parents failed as parents you were allowed to go to the video arcade where gangs hung out. They also hung at the bowling alley needless to say I neither bowl or play video games. For that matter I grew up in the fog where you might sneak into a near by apartment buildings pool to swim on the hot day we had. So - not a swimmer either.
Back on JC today full force and a bit tired. Bloomingdale's catalogue is in the mail box and Real Housewives of Beverly Hills premieres tonight! I will not shop I will not shop I will not shop!!
I was perfect with breakfast and lunch and kind of fell a part at dinner. I thought this might be the case. Hopefully it will balance out. No huge bacon and pancake breakfast, no hot dogs or sausages for lunch no chips and drinks came out just before dinner. Progress... It is a party weekend so I feel I was better than in the past I did not buy any cheese but was in a hurry at the grocery store and walked in not sure of what I wanted to bring in addition to the basil and potatoes my sister requested. Next time a list. Do I really have to write down carrots and hummus? I was suppose to bring a cake too and ended up buying 3 smallish cakes at Robert's Market in Woodside. To quote someone I know "too many choices in America." One was angel food with a chocolate drizzle. Angel food cake is a diet cake choice! So I am trying. I also paid cash. Only drank at cocktail hour and admittedly I drank and then forgot I was suppose to trade my potato and dessert for the booze. . Opps. Not beating myself up until I weigh in on Thursday. It is what it is. I actually got pretty hungry and ate when I was hungry. I feel OK.
A little about food. My Mother is Italian and her parents had a Restaurant in down town SF. Now it is Foley's Irish Pub. My grandfathers probably rolling around in his grave as we speak. So Mom can cook. My favorite food growing up was stuffed breast of veal, the sauce from her osso bucco slathered on french bread would be my last meal if ever on death row. I did not get fat eating MacDonald's- Pizza maybe- but not domino's ( though I had to try it since the commercials promise a superior pizza now- it was alright)
Tried the Skinny Girl Margarita- quite nice 4 ounces is less than 100 calories. Quite a difference to the real thing. They have about the same amount of alcohol as a beer. But 12 ounces would be 300 calories so beer is better mathematically. I just could not do shots as the weight loss counselor suggested. I am over them for years now and that would be regressing! Plus my family would kill me. Mary on shots of any booze is a bit of a loud laughing nut that may cry at any moment.
Playing scrabble after drinking and eating JC foods makes for a game with quite an assortment of 2- 3 letter words. I lost to my daughter and my 85 year old Mother. Not my game.
The highlight of the weekend was when ,Elaine, my 13 year old, got mad at my Mom and I for not giving back her DS ( hand held video game) we had way too much fun taking pictures of ourselves and mutating them with special effects. Totally Rad! I wish we had this kind of a game when I was a kid. If you were cool you had pong if your parents failed as parents you were allowed to go to the video arcade where gangs hung out. They also hung at the bowling alley needless to say I neither bowl or play video games. For that matter I grew up in the fog where you might sneak into a near by apartment buildings pool to swim on the hot day we had. So - not a swimmer either.
Back on JC today full force and a bit tired. Bloomingdale's catalogue is in the mail box and Real Housewives of Beverly Hills premieres tonight! I will not shop I will not shop I will not shop!!
Saturday, September 3, 2011
Get Ready Get Set and Breath
To breath is to live. When I go into temporary hibernation for example when I am on a diet" I stop living. I isolate and just do it as long as possible like a contest of who stay under water the longest. Impossible to do for any great amount of time This can be said for when one stops drinking too. I think the trick is to keep on swimming just like the little fish Dori in Nemo. "Just keep swimming just keep swimming" is the motto for the weekend.
Woke up, did yoga, came home tended to some care giving tasks for the kid and I am almost ready to go to the cabin and visit with my fellow drinking partners also known as my family. Part of them anyway. I wish it were the entire crew. Worked out and have a plan for further activity and the menu is planned. Cheers!
Now a little note about being really tired. I found a trigger that leads directly to poor behavior of every kind. I went out Thursday night and stayed out late for me on a work night. I got around 5 hours sleep managed to get to work, which was a miracle in itself! I was the kind of tired that hurt inside and out. My eyes stung and my bones ached and I really just wanted to eat something comforting and get into bed. Could not do that because a surgeon might throw something at me if he saw me sleeping while he operated. I did note that the surgeon I worked with on Friday went to the same event I went to and exhibited his tiredness with impatience. Somehow I managed to stay away from the Chinese food in my bosses office and the various cookies and sweets that cluttered her office. I went home took a nap and layed low for the rest of the evening. I found myself checking out Bloomingdale's big Labor Day sale just to make sure my dream boots did not go on sale. I also found my self checking out Christan Louboutin shoes ( at another store) I just starred at them trying to figure out their mystery and allure. Is it the red sole that makes them special? Just might as well spray paint RICH BITCH up and down your legs because I have come to the conclusion they are just a status symbol or a trophy for being rich and thin. I do not think fat feet fit in them. Interestingly enough when I saw Allanis Morrisette in concert on Thursday she sat on a stool legs crossed singing and whaling and yodeling about every facet of love she could think of while donning a pair of purple red soled Louboutins. It bugged me the entire time. She is suppose to be about enlightenment.
I am getting lots of encouragement from people and they have been kind enough to give me tips. I will consolidate them and make a list in a blog to follow.Have a tip for eating right, a way to drink and diet and a way to shop for high quality stuff without breaking the bank- Let me know.
Going to the land of no TV or computer so my words will have to go down on paper. Thanks for reading this. .
Woke up, did yoga, came home tended to some care giving tasks for the kid and I am almost ready to go to the cabin and visit with my fellow drinking partners also known as my family. Part of them anyway. I wish it were the entire crew. Worked out and have a plan for further activity and the menu is planned. Cheers!
Now a little note about being really tired. I found a trigger that leads directly to poor behavior of every kind. I went out Thursday night and stayed out late for me on a work night. I got around 5 hours sleep managed to get to work, which was a miracle in itself! I was the kind of tired that hurt inside and out. My eyes stung and my bones ached and I really just wanted to eat something comforting and get into bed. Could not do that because a surgeon might throw something at me if he saw me sleeping while he operated. I did note that the surgeon I worked with on Friday went to the same event I went to and exhibited his tiredness with impatience. Somehow I managed to stay away from the Chinese food in my bosses office and the various cookies and sweets that cluttered her office. I went home took a nap and layed low for the rest of the evening. I found myself checking out Bloomingdale's big Labor Day sale just to make sure my dream boots did not go on sale. I also found my self checking out Christan Louboutin shoes ( at another store) I just starred at them trying to figure out their mystery and allure. Is it the red sole that makes them special? Just might as well spray paint RICH BITCH up and down your legs because I have come to the conclusion they are just a status symbol or a trophy for being rich and thin. I do not think fat feet fit in them. Interestingly enough when I saw Allanis Morrisette in concert on Thursday she sat on a stool legs crossed singing and whaling and yodeling about every facet of love she could think of while donning a pair of purple red soled Louboutins. It bugged me the entire time. She is suppose to be about enlightenment.
I am getting lots of encouragement from people and they have been kind enough to give me tips. I will consolidate them and make a list in a blog to follow.Have a tip for eating right, a way to drink and diet and a way to shop for high quality stuff without breaking the bank- Let me know.
Going to the land of no TV or computer so my words will have to go down on paper. Thanks for reading this. .
Thursday, September 1, 2011
On a little HIGH!!!
So lost 3 lbs this week for a grand total of 10.8 lbs in 4 weeks paid debt down by around 2k too! I am not counting the house just credit cards and vehicle. Going to get a massage and a blow dry and going to a concert tonight. All is well. Just a note about hair I have had the same hair guy for around 10 years I only cheat on him for blow dries! That is not cheating right?
I have to do some major planning for labor day weekend. Think I will bring JC food for breakfast and lunches and grill Saturday and Sunday night. I will walk and skip the sugar in the drinks. The weight loss counselor suggested shots! I do not do shots ,learned that in college! She said "you are going to effect right?" That got me thinking- I have no idea what I am" going for" when it comes to drinking. It is jsut what we do. when we are all together. I hate being drunk and everything that goes with it but love drinking. HMM???
I helped my daughter get ready this morning and droped the news on her that we will not be buying any new clothes for a while. I was looking in my closet and thinking about the bills and realized a lot of the debt has come from the kids closet. This did not please the spoiled child.
I am grateful for a lot. I have an amazing family a good job and great friends. I am able to go into super Mom mode when there is a need and I am healthy. If I look at everything that is hard- having aging parents, a disabled kid, debt and compulsive behavior I could get depressed. This week I will stay positive and know that the scale may stay even and that will be OK. I am human. As long as the scale does not go up in that case i will probably get frustrated and angry and will have an interesting blog about my flaws and failures. Lets face it is hard to be funny when everything is OK. Again it is the conflict, the tragedy, in our failures and everything that makes us human that makes us interesting , funny and perfect.
I have to do some major planning for labor day weekend. Think I will bring JC food for breakfast and lunches and grill Saturday and Sunday night. I will walk and skip the sugar in the drinks. The weight loss counselor suggested shots! I do not do shots ,learned that in college! She said "you are going to effect right?" That got me thinking- I have no idea what I am" going for" when it comes to drinking. It is jsut what we do. when we are all together. I hate being drunk and everything that goes with it but love drinking. HMM???
I helped my daughter get ready this morning and droped the news on her that we will not be buying any new clothes for a while. I was looking in my closet and thinking about the bills and realized a lot of the debt has come from the kids closet. This did not please the spoiled child.
I am grateful for a lot. I have an amazing family a good job and great friends. I am able to go into super Mom mode when there is a need and I am healthy. If I look at everything that is hard- having aging parents, a disabled kid, debt and compulsive behavior I could get depressed. This week I will stay positive and know that the scale may stay even and that will be OK. I am human. As long as the scale does not go up in that case i will probably get frustrated and angry and will have an interesting blog about my flaws and failures. Lets face it is hard to be funny when everything is OK. Again it is the conflict, the tragedy, in our failures and everything that makes us human that makes us interesting , funny and perfect.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)