Almost sucked in...

Just  checking your email can lead you off track to the land of interesting once in a life time deals.   I have sworn to pay off debt and have developed a plan. However when merely looking at my emails today I was tempted . I received my statement from Bloomingdale's and wanted to see my credit form my most recent payment. I thought it might motivate me or something???  Then I noticed there was 1 thing in my basket. I forgot what so I checked it out and there was a pair of boots. A recent obsession with boots left me with a very expensive pair of boots ($995)  in my Bloomingdale's Basket. Ralph Lauren riding boots. Yummy!  I have never bought them merely covet them so I keep them i n my basket until there is a red note saying they are no longer available. Weird - whatever.  I took a poll at work  How much is too much for boots?  I got all kinds of answers. Mom's cheaper than the rest. Kids are expensive. Realize I am a nurse and in a room of people that make pretty good money, although they "work hard for the money"  Some spend it and  wear Jimmy Choos, Manolos. and  those red soled soul stealer's the Louie.B. the king daddy of decadence and prestige. Others get their shoes at Kmart or Target. I would die first. Sorry I have a strange  feeling associated with shopping and it goes deep inside me! I am not a snob just a junkie for that feeling that new shoes can offer. Rrecently I bought and returned some Salvatore Ferragamo's and a pair of Tory Burch  riding boots. I did not love them they only gave me buyers remorse. This is progress for me. Usually when the love affair is over I just stop wearing  whatever it was that I had to have.  So how much is too much I do not know anymore. So the email confirmation that they received my last payment was accompanied by a special 20% off when I use my card special. For a minute I got excited inside as I quickly did the calculations how much off these boots would be. then saw the note I have taped to my desk- Goals..." "You can do it Mary" thinner and richer. I stopped and felt a bit let down and sad that I would not get these Ralph Lauren killer killer make me want to march around naked in nothing but them boots. So how much is too much for boots?  Think as long as you pay cash and have money left over to eat and live you have your answer.  It varies. I can not afford theses boots but they are still sitting in  my basket.

I was so good to set an automatic payment schedule for Bloomingdale's , Nordstrom and Restoration Hardware but screwed up the date and all were paid at the expense of overdrawing my account and costing  me $75 in fees. I almost cried. My first month at being responsible and it made me cry. My husband handed me $100 when he saw me slumped at my desk. He is a good man.  I canceled the payment schedule and will just do it monthly so this does not happen again.

I have been rethinking my reward of a $1000 shopping spree for getting to goal weight and paying off debt. It seems wrong. Then I got to thinking about "reward" and "deserving" and how I got here. I love to reward my self for a job well done with actual self destructive behavior. Lost 2 pounds deserve an entire bottle of wine. paid something off why not spend more money? Worked hard all day lets have drinks... It is all seeming sad to me. A cycle of setting myself up for failure. I need to think of new rewards differently.  Then I think about "value" what is important? Time , time spent doing something worth while. Baking????!!!! No that never works I can not have Brownies in my house without having one every time I walk by. If you put a pedometer on me as I circle the brownies you would see I walk around them a lot but not enough to burn them off.,  So I am going to think of values to treat myself that do not hurt me.  Lost a little  weight this week how about a $10 manicure.