Almost a Perfect Night

Last night was a great night. Dropped the kid off at Girl Scouts and had a long awaited date with my husband Jack. We went to Clement Street  Bar and Grill right around the corner from Star of the Sea where Elaine has Scouts. I have to say I looked at Jack last night and he looked handsome. He had a scruff to his face that now is a bit gray and his hair has grow a little. I begged him to keep the hair but he loves to take it down to nearly bald. In fact, I made such a big deal of it that I am sure he'll hit the barber shop today.  There were positives and negatives. I think I ordered OK and did not eat too much. I had oysters on the half shell and grilled  trout it came with a black bean soup. No dessert ,no bread, ate half the rice and ate all my green bean that were not drowned in butter.  But I had 3 cocktails! The Hennessey Side Car is a great drink I enjoy them around 3-4 times a year. I love them too much to allow myself to make them a regular. They are a special treat. I did not eat all my rice and had no bread or dessert so I guess I did what the weight loss counselor suggested - sort of! I do have a  head ache though. Dieting and drinking make for a cheap date. We went for a walk after watching the Giants actually win a game and found ourselves  in a fish store on 6th and Clement. I think we are going to get another salt water tank going. Then we hit up a book store where I bought Tina' Fey's book "Bossy Pants" and  a book found in the health section called "What your Poop Tells  You." I put that one in the bathroom. It is quite informative and funny just because it is about poop and in our house poop jokes are still funny Maybe because I am a nurse and Jack is a plumber. poop pays the bills.  If I did not have a head ache right now I would say the night was perfect.

When I picked up Elaine at Scouts one of her friends pulled me aside and said she was worried about Elaine because she noticed Elaine was not eating her lunch at school. She went on to say that Elaine thought she was fat and that I told her she needed to go on a diet. This is now serious and I am scared to death.  I  have a 13 year old girl who is pretty but not that active because she needs a wheel chair and or a walker  to get around. Her  knees are contracted and she tires easily so being really active is tough. My obsession and lack of mastering my weight is now a problem for my daughter. I have screwed us both up and I do not know what to do. Crying right now is not helping. I  immediately talked to her and told her that in mo way I would I ever put her on a diet. I would help her eat better but she needs to yield on somethings too. She refuses to eat fruit or veggies. REFUSES and has a fit if they are on the plate. We talked about health and about the pressures to be thin especially for a teen age girl. We talked about eating 6 times a day and not just eating continuously. We talked about ways to increase activity for both of us. I guess I will just continue to keep the dialogue open. I think in some weird way I keep myself a bit thick to make her feel better. If I was at goal weight would it really bother her, would it be hard for her?  Strange thought but it has crossed my mind.

Stress. Stress or being bored leads me straight to the path of least resistance the path of old habits. The place that takes me sitting in front of the computer shopping while munching on something rich.  Often wondering where the snack went and did I actually eat it or lose it. Mindless easting.  The comforting place where all my senses are being stimulated. A sad place of consumption. The kind of stress that I have comes from a high stress work environment- the pediatric operating room and from caring for a special needs kid who is a teen ager going through and feeling all that a normal teen goes through. . It is real and I think having a sense of humor is my saving grace. We laugh through a lot at work and at home. I actually thrive when the "shit is hitting the fan." I go into some sort of super mode that carries it;s own endorphin.  It is after that I crash and yearn for comfort only cheese and wine can give.  It is a battle to stay sane. As I have said before I can rationalize the fact that I deserve just about anything. Too bad that "treat" usually comes with a price I can not afford.

I asked a financial planner once how the hell I could get out of debt. He said do not try and decrease your bills just make more money. So I quit working for him and went to nursing school. I have more money now on the old W-2 but still in debt. I am still thinking about those damn boots. They are still in my basket but there is no once in a life time deal offered only today going on so there they will sit gathering virtual dust in my virtual shopping basket. I know that with Christmas coming there will be better deals offered. Too bad I will be able to buy these stupid things in Spring when they are not in style. Maybe these boots are just a place for me to be without stress? NO idea.

Oh yhea I talked about Jimmy Choos and other top designer brands in my last blog. Note I do not own any of these just covet them! Well I do have some Stuart Weizmann sandals that cost $450 and  they have broken 2 times. I bought a pair of Vera Wang sandals $99 thong and they broke.  The real high enders were never on my radar. Until recently when a spike in my shopping problem occurred. When I lost the sense of what things should cost. . Maybe due to  Oprah and Carrie Bradshaw I want them. I am a consumer and very vulnerable to advertising. I noticed this when I looked through a magazine and saw Tiffany on page 1 and Restoration Hardware on page 2. Was it coincidental that I had to have a sofa from R.H and a Tiffany Key last year?  Am I that person that the advertising agencies study in order to manipulate me? I think I am and now know it so beware advertisers the jig is up and I am watching you. Stop popping up on my Facebook page stop emailing me get out of my magazines and my head. You are not helping me!   I think the positive is I am aware and from now on paying cash for good quality timeless styles that will stand the test of time. Trendy tings gotta be cheap as they might just get worm once. Like a mate you want quality for the long term and something flashy for a summer romance.