OMG

ON DR OZ RIGHT NOW IS A SKINNY DUDE THAT IS TALKING ABOUT THE LINKS BETWEEN BEING FAT AND BEING IN DEBT.  He wrote a book.......bastard.

He said " save $15 a day by   not eating out and using a bag lunch and breakfast and switching to generic coffee-  a savings of $5K a year plus.
walk 15 min a day to lose 15 pounds in a year- bullshit.
eat fresh it is cheaper than frozen- true dat

Here is what I am doing wrong I am spending a ton on Jenny frozen food and not walking 15 min a day. I am riding my bike and doing yoga and eating less.

He made it all seem so easy- just  read his book make him rich and do 3 things and  all your dreams will come true.  How the hell did he get on the talk show circuit and get an entire book out of 3 basic things that  EVERYONE ALREADY KNOWS!!!!!!  Ok buddy what about parties and an increase in meals out during the Holidays? What about peppermint bark???  Does he know about stuffing or left over stuffing turkey gravy sandwiches? Does he know about anything at all? I feel like Lucy on Peanuts or even Charley Brown himself,  yelling this out loud on top of a dog house - Good Grief!!! Oh yhea The Seasons change  buddy and there  is a need for new clothes! does he know that?

Just feeling a bit angry!

Thanksgiving update... 1 week off from work , had a "staycation then off to my brothers. - I did exercise but ate and celebrated up a storm from Mon-Thursday. Meals out and lots of fun.  On Friday I got a hold of myself and got back on track. I almost put the control off to the Monday but was able to make myself get on the scale and it said " bitch what the hell???!!"  So I have been playing make up, had tons of Jenny food because I went away. I delayed my actual weigh day back to Thursdays All is well. Just doing it all and being patient with myself- not really.

I had an emotional breakdown. It is amazing the power a Father has even when he is 83 and fat. My Dad asked me about Yoga he was wondering if it did any good. then he kept bringing up the old battle of the bulge. I was not offended during the exchange. It did hit me in the middle of yoga. I started thinking all that hard work was not doing a damn thing because obviously my Dad thinks I am fat. I started to actually sob right in the middle of standing bow pose. Hard to do even harder when you are tyring not to show that you are crying. It makes my eyes tear up now. This entire thing is emotionally difficult. I question every thing. When I am feel good the number that I weight pops into my head and destroys everything. This month I gained and am surely a loser. Deep down I know it is worth and is doing something  but I am struggling to stay positive and feel ready to cave. Why the hell does it have to be so damn hard?   Why does it it hurt so bad that my Dad thinks I am fat?  I asked my sister about it as she heard and saw the tail end of the conversation when I was actually showing off a few poses. She thinks he might have been asking about it as his Dr. suggested yoga to him.  I felt  that he looked at me and saw no evidence of a yogi girl.

This is not just about looking good and  changing habits it is about self esteem and growing as a person and dealing with the emotional mess that I have created. I want to look into the mirror and like who I see not just what I see.

So I want to be the person who wrote the book with all the answers so far this blog is about asking questions. I want it to be obvious I do yoga. I want my Dad to be proud of me. I want to stop crying.