Tuesday was my 14 year wedding anniversary. No need to celebrate with excess gifts and food. Watching the Giants game as a family, me doing Yoga, getting creative with JC food and Jack getting to golf -makes everyone happy. Saturday will be House of Prime Rib so really no need to celebrate twice. In the past I would have for sure celebrated both days. The scale was WAY better today. I know I am not suppose to weigh every day but when I know it is gonna reflect water weight getting in balance well I just can not help it.
... Now Wednesday, all is well. yesterday I got to go toYoga, celebrated my anniversary and watched the Giants lose. Had a nice eve without hurting myself or others! Jack brought home wine, flowers and a gift. I wanted a glass of wine but did not want the calories if the Giants were not going to win for sure.! He said I jinxed them. I swear I gained a ton last year from clinching the playoffs, the plays offs and winning the World Series. Every time I turned around we were celebrating something. So in a really weird way I want baseball season to end. At least with football there are not so many games.
Yoga was interesting. It was a hot day in S.F. making the Yoga studio hotter than usual. Most folks are smarter than me and were probably at the beach. Me and a few old dudes sweat it out together. I went over CPR in my head as I meditated and wondered what old man would go down first and if 2 went down at the same time who I would help? I worked hard and showed progress but pushed to the point where I really was unable to do the last pose. My back, once again speaking up rather sternly in German , warned me to slow down - so I did.
The scale "winked" at me this morning with a little smile and I am hoping it will show a 2-3 pound on Thursday at JC. So despite 3 days of play all could be well! I am a little excited.
Shopping update- still have those damn Ralph Lauren boots in my Bloomingdale's basket! I just look at them every once in a while. Jack gave me a Nordstrom gift card and did not tell me how much it is for. It is unmarked. So when I do hit up Nordstroms I will first ask someone to tell me how much it is for before I get to the check out counter. I could see myself thinking it was for $500 (it could happen) and it be for $100 and be too embarrassed to put things back. I did this once with a prime rib. It just looked so good and I did not bother to look at the price and almost dropped dead at the check out counter but bought it anyway. $100 prime rib for 2! It would be too embarrassing to say "oh shit- I can not afford that can I exchange it for hamburger?"
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Monday, September 19, 2011
Thanks God it's Monday?
Never thought I would say "Thank God for Monday! Seems if I think really hard there were some positives to be made from this weekend. When I got on the scale Saturday morning it showed the weight I lost over the week- 3 lb dip! There were many positives. Spent time with family and had a wonderful time.Brought healthy food and got through the buffet with making good choices. I brought the Skinny Girl Margarita too. Despite planning some things on Sunday and Friday night just got away from me. I am going to try and stay positive, so instead of a blog filled with guilt and confessions I will describe some of the things that went right! So you may infer there were lots of things that went wrong.
First Let me explain about "Enright" parties. They usually last 2 days My family is more of a Fraternity. Sigma Kappa Enright! You would think people in their 40's 50's 60' 70's and 80's would settle down. This is not the case. My 83 year old Dad was cutting a rug and drinking Manhattans till about 1 am. Going into this with the notion of "dieting" may have been foolish. At one point I saw my 13 year old with the microphone (there was DJ!) she was wearing a fur cheetah cowboy hat sun glasses and singing along with the Black Eyed Peas. It was a proud moment for me The next day 6 of us were in the pool by 8:30AM floating and eating grapes. hydrating together! I am going to make up my mind to just move on and be grateful for the time with my family. Worked off some calories dancing too! In fact, the Metalica medley at the end of the night has rendered my neck stiff, my heel spur has flared up and the hip hop numbers made me feel like someone hopped on my hip. Seriously in pain!
A little about hydration. the extreme water loss in Bikram Yoga combined with the water loss from alcohol creates a situation in the following days of extreme water retention. I am talking a 5 pound difference from Saturday morning after Yoga to Monday. I know it is water but it is a bit of a let down. Lots of water today should help.- will help. 5 Lb of fat would be an excess of 17500 calories and that did not happen. The biggest mistake was lunch on Sunday and then trying to makeup for all of it by skipping Sunday dinner and getting too hungry. Jack ordered Chinese food and I ate some of that without really paying attention from the cartons while standing at the kitchen counter thinking, I would just start over Monday. Stupid but I am not in this position because of my brilliance with food choices.
Today I was asked "why I was so obsessed with weight loss?" I think the answer is I have never been at home in my own skin. When I was a kid I was always a few pounds heavier than my best friend. My Brother teased me a lot and I had the nick name Mary Pat the Fat Brat. "Thin" periods in my life were short. I guess I am also on a quest for control. I have noticed that every time my daughter goes into the hospital ( average 2 weeks a year for the first 10 years) I went on a diet. I really believe this is a brain problem not a stomach problem. I think that is why people who have gastric bypasses gain weight back. When they have brain surgery for weight loss I may be a candidate.
Back on my bike today eating right and drinking water in order to rehydrate. Still hopeful! Not giving up but getting a little tired of the weekends screwing everything up. Do not see any way around them. The next few are going to be tough. We will see what happens!
First Let me explain about "Enright" parties. They usually last 2 days My family is more of a Fraternity. Sigma Kappa Enright! You would think people in their 40's 50's 60' 70's and 80's would settle down. This is not the case. My 83 year old Dad was cutting a rug and drinking Manhattans till about 1 am. Going into this with the notion of "dieting" may have been foolish. At one point I saw my 13 year old with the microphone (there was DJ!) she was wearing a fur cheetah cowboy hat sun glasses and singing along with the Black Eyed Peas. It was a proud moment for me The next day 6 of us were in the pool by 8:30AM floating and eating grapes. hydrating together! I am going to make up my mind to just move on and be grateful for the time with my family. Worked off some calories dancing too! In fact, the Metalica medley at the end of the night has rendered my neck stiff, my heel spur has flared up and the hip hop numbers made me feel like someone hopped on my hip. Seriously in pain!
A little about hydration. the extreme water loss in Bikram Yoga combined with the water loss from alcohol creates a situation in the following days of extreme water retention. I am talking a 5 pound difference from Saturday morning after Yoga to Monday. I know it is water but it is a bit of a let down. Lots of water today should help.- will help. 5 Lb of fat would be an excess of 17500 calories and that did not happen. The biggest mistake was lunch on Sunday and then trying to makeup for all of it by skipping Sunday dinner and getting too hungry. Jack ordered Chinese food and I ate some of that without really paying attention from the cartons while standing at the kitchen counter thinking, I would just start over Monday. Stupid but I am not in this position because of my brilliance with food choices.
Today I was asked "why I was so obsessed with weight loss?" I think the answer is I have never been at home in my own skin. When I was a kid I was always a few pounds heavier than my best friend. My Brother teased me a lot and I had the nick name Mary Pat the Fat Brat. "Thin" periods in my life were short. I guess I am also on a quest for control. I have noticed that every time my daughter goes into the hospital ( average 2 weeks a year for the first 10 years) I went on a diet. I really believe this is a brain problem not a stomach problem. I think that is why people who have gastric bypasses gain weight back. When they have brain surgery for weight loss I may be a candidate.
Back on my bike today eating right and drinking water in order to rehydrate. Still hopeful! Not giving up but getting a little tired of the weekends screwing everything up. Do not see any way around them. The next few are going to be tough. We will see what happens!
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Had to Share
OK I was not going to write until after the "big" party but I have to sharer my morning. Woke up tired with about 9 excuses not to do Yoga. I said to myself "I'll just put the Yoga clothes on maybe that will inspire me." It did, I did go to class with the notion of just taking breaks if it was too painful. I was smart and took some ibuprofen ( for the cramps) and ate a lite JC breakfast an hour and 1/2 before class. I was doing the right things and started to feel good about myself despite eating pizza last night (that is another story) I arrived early and acclimated to the heat for 15 min or so. I took my place in the back row and meditated and reassured myself that if I felt like I was going to die I would just sit down. Oddly enough as I did the moves I felt great. There was no cramping and I felt strong. The usual dizziness with a couple certain poses but otherwise I felt and now feel great. Step one towards getting through this day is done.
Excuses I said to myself before class"
1/) I am a bit dehydrated from yesterday
2.) I have cramps
3.) I did it yesterday I can always do it Sunday instead
4.) will my 13 year be Ok alone for 1 1/2 hours?
5.) maybe I should take the dogs out instead
6.) I am tiered
7.) this is will surely screw up my hair
I was able to get past all of those and simply do the damn class. Yhea me. Now will I get to karaoke time without being a drunken mess? Will I really eat a meal instead of grazing all day? Will I get to the store to buy stuffed mushrooms and diet coke? Yes I will!
Yesterday, at the funeral reception, I was standing next to the food with my friend. I had noticed that this was an Irish Funeral with Irish people and no one was eating the prosciutto! This would not happen at my house. We were at a lull in our conversation and noticed our friend's brother and his wife whom we have not seen in years. My friend said looking at the food, ": I am on weight watchers." I said "Jenny Craig," the skinny wife said " I battle food every day" and the dude said , "me too that is why I do half marathons" We came together and spent a long time talking about various strategies. I thought I had tried every diet but alas I have not. There is a completely different level of craziness that I have yet to rise too. I am talking about food combing the blood type diet and being a vegetarian. I was captivated as this little lady talked about the evolutionary reasons we have different blood types and that those blood types yield a need for different diets. I am Type A (A + actually and the only A+ I ever got) She said that I should be a vegetarian. Type O gets to be the meat eaters. I am not telling my "Type O" husband , this would give him entirely too much material.he is the biggest carnivore I have ever met. I am not buying it, it seems a little koo koo even for me. Gluten free for those with celiac is another tough road. I am suspicious of the amount of people now with celiac disease. I feel the amount of Celiac diagnosis are rivaled only by the diagnosis of autism. Too much. I will buy the diagnosis if it was made by GI Dr who actually took a biopsy of the colon. I really feel nutritionist are full of shit when they make the call. I can not argue with someone feeling better after cutting gluten out of their diet but it may be just because they are now just eating better. Just my theory. I could not even imagine being a vegan with celiac disease.
OK wish me luck off I go!
Excuses I said to myself before class"
1/) I am a bit dehydrated from yesterday
2.) I have cramps
3.) I did it yesterday I can always do it Sunday instead
4.) will my 13 year be Ok alone for 1 1/2 hours?
5.) maybe I should take the dogs out instead
6.) I am tiered
7.) this is will surely screw up my hair
I was able to get past all of those and simply do the damn class. Yhea me. Now will I get to karaoke time without being a drunken mess? Will I really eat a meal instead of grazing all day? Will I get to the store to buy stuffed mushrooms and diet coke? Yes I will!
Yesterday, at the funeral reception, I was standing next to the food with my friend. I had noticed that this was an Irish Funeral with Irish people and no one was eating the prosciutto! This would not happen at my house. We were at a lull in our conversation and noticed our friend's brother and his wife whom we have not seen in years. My friend said looking at the food, ": I am on weight watchers." I said "Jenny Craig," the skinny wife said " I battle food every day" and the dude said , "me too that is why I do half marathons" We came together and spent a long time talking about various strategies. I thought I had tried every diet but alas I have not. There is a completely different level of craziness that I have yet to rise too. I am talking about food combing the blood type diet and being a vegetarian. I was captivated as this little lady talked about the evolutionary reasons we have different blood types and that those blood types yield a need for different diets. I am Type A (A + actually and the only A+ I ever got) She said that I should be a vegetarian. Type O gets to be the meat eaters. I am not telling my "Type O" husband , this would give him entirely too much material.he is the biggest carnivore I have ever met. I am not buying it, it seems a little koo koo even for me. Gluten free for those with celiac is another tough road. I am suspicious of the amount of people now with celiac disease. I feel the amount of Celiac diagnosis are rivaled only by the diagnosis of autism. Too much. I will buy the diagnosis if it was made by GI Dr who actually took a biopsy of the colon. I really feel nutritionist are full of shit when they make the call. I can not argue with someone feeling better after cutting gluten out of their diet but it may be just because they are now just eating better. Just my theory. I could not even imagine being a vegan with celiac disease.
OK wish me luck off I go!
Friday, September 16, 2011
Friday blog planning and reassessing
Today is Friday and the weekend to implement some of the things I have learned over the last few weeks. In many of my blogs I find my self saying "next time...plan, next time move more..." So here goes nothing.
The start of the day.- I went to work today with the hopes that I could get relieved so I could attend a funeral for a dear friend's Dad. I know dieting and drinking yield a silly Mary prone to headaches. dieting PMS Mary yield a total bitch. This morning , to my new boss, I said , I believe my exact words were, "If I do not get out of here by noon I am sure as hell not coming Monday." The next thing I knew about 30 min into my shift I was getting relieved. I am not sure if I was being punished or if being an unprofessional bitch pays off. Regardless after apologies to all I got off work early. For the record I shocked myself and promptly turned myself in to my boss (she was pissed) and I apologized to her and to the new boss I am a winmp.
I actually ended up with extra time, so risking screwing up my freshly blown flat hair, I went to Yoga. In the past screwing up my hair would be a perfect excuse not to work out. There are many reasons not to work out screwing up hair, having to shower again, taking shoes off, having to shave arm pits, cramps, too many things to do, I think I might be hurt or get hurt, it is foggy it is sunny it is raining and so on As I had breakfast at 6:30am, I was strong in the 9:30 class. I felt good and just tried to do as the instructor said as she said it. All in all it was a great work out and the water weight gain that comes with PMS ended up all over my towel and yoga outfit. I saw a river of water rushing down my nose. My mouth tasted very salty as it's salt concentration increased due to the extreme water loss, that, or, even the inside of my mouth sweat! I did an experiment and weighed after class. Despite drinking 2 liters of waster during and after class I lost one pound from this morning. Usually the number I see on the scale just after waking up and naked is not seen until the following morning. So seeing it go down after eating and drinking is a tiny miracle or proof that the heat in Bikram Yoga makes you sweat A LOT!
So here is the plan for the rest of the weekend. JC Friday , work out and maybe some wine. Saturday JC Breakfast and Lunch, work out and a party wear I will not get drunk and mindlessly eat. I will bring some healthy yummy choices like tomato fresh mozzarella and basil, carrots and hummus... I will make a plate of food for dinner instead of just munching. Hit up Costco for some Skinny Girl Margarita's. Hell with the hair I am getting in the pool and having fun.
Yesterday I was tempted like crazy for an unknown reason to shop on-line. I did not do it and was disturbed at the "Jonesing" feeling I had. I went so far as putting things in my basket and just seeing what they would cost with the special promotional discount if I used my card. I got a bit wigged out and logged off in a hurry. I confessed to Jack and he said I was weird. I guess I am but I know I am not the only fat American with credit card debt there are lots of weirdos out there. Maybe I felt deserving. After all, if a "Real Houswife" can have it why can't I? Maybe because some of them are actually rich. Whatever I stopped myself and I am confessing.
... Went to an Irish Funeral and acted like someone at an Irish Funeral at least I worked out first and ate a normal lumch and breakfast. Talk or confess to you all after I go to a huge paty Saturday.
The start of the day.- I went to work today with the hopes that I could get relieved so I could attend a funeral for a dear friend's Dad. I know dieting and drinking yield a silly Mary prone to headaches. dieting PMS Mary yield a total bitch. This morning , to my new boss, I said , I believe my exact words were, "If I do not get out of here by noon I am sure as hell not coming Monday." The next thing I knew about 30 min into my shift I was getting relieved. I am not sure if I was being punished or if being an unprofessional bitch pays off. Regardless after apologies to all I got off work early. For the record I shocked myself and promptly turned myself in to my boss (she was pissed) and I apologized to her and to the new boss I am a winmp.
I actually ended up with extra time, so risking screwing up my freshly blown flat hair, I went to Yoga. In the past screwing up my hair would be a perfect excuse not to work out. There are many reasons not to work out screwing up hair, having to shower again, taking shoes off, having to shave arm pits, cramps, too many things to do, I think I might be hurt or get hurt, it is foggy it is sunny it is raining and so on As I had breakfast at 6:30am, I was strong in the 9:30 class. I felt good and just tried to do as the instructor said as she said it. All in all it was a great work out and the water weight gain that comes with PMS ended up all over my towel and yoga outfit. I saw a river of water rushing down my nose. My mouth tasted very salty as it's salt concentration increased due to the extreme water loss, that, or, even the inside of my mouth sweat! I did an experiment and weighed after class. Despite drinking 2 liters of waster during and after class I lost one pound from this morning. Usually the number I see on the scale just after waking up and naked is not seen until the following morning. So seeing it go down after eating and drinking is a tiny miracle or proof that the heat in Bikram Yoga makes you sweat A LOT!
So here is the plan for the rest of the weekend. JC Friday , work out and maybe some wine. Saturday JC Breakfast and Lunch, work out and a party wear I will not get drunk and mindlessly eat. I will bring some healthy yummy choices like tomato fresh mozzarella and basil, carrots and hummus... I will make a plate of food for dinner instead of just munching. Hit up Costco for some Skinny Girl Margarita's. Hell with the hair I am getting in the pool and having fun.
Yesterday I was tempted like crazy for an unknown reason to shop on-line. I did not do it and was disturbed at the "Jonesing" feeling I had. I went so far as putting things in my basket and just seeing what they would cost with the special promotional discount if I used my card. I got a bit wigged out and logged off in a hurry. I confessed to Jack and he said I was weird. I guess I am but I know I am not the only fat American with credit card debt there are lots of weirdos out there. Maybe I felt deserving. After all, if a "Real Houswife" can have it why can't I? Maybe because some of them are actually rich. Whatever I stopped myself and I am confessing.
... Went to an Irish Funeral and acted like someone at an Irish Funeral at least I worked out first and ate a normal lumch and breakfast. Talk or confess to you all after I go to a huge paty Saturday.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Pretty much for Girls
Here is the deal - PMS is the name of the game today- I do not think dudes are reading this so hear goes. After a week of being nearly perfect the scale is not budging thankfully in either direction. It is always weird how my period is such a huge surprise. But when you add up mood, appetite and bloating it can only be one thing. I guess it could be 2 things but there is no way I am pregnant!
So it happens to be the double whammy weigh day. First I go to the SHINE study for my one year follow up. I was hoping for a good report card. Next I go to JC for my weekly weigh in. A scheduling nightmare but it is my day off and I have to consolidate appointment. This is going to suck and the fight or flight is kicking in and I really want to fly. But I am not. I am sure I will just walk into the office talking a mile a minute about my period to some chick that does not care and be that weird hyper silly women who talked too much. So be it. At least I get my roots done at 2PM! I am fasting for the blood draw right now and hungry. I hate to eat in front of the study people and they always offer cereal fruit and yogurt right after the blood draw. I guess they figure over weigh people will surely self combust skipping a meal. So afraid of lowered blood sugars and taking measurments they feed you. I always figure because it is a study that they are studying what and how much we eat. Will she read the label of the Yogurt? Will she have the milk and yogurt? I always try and decline and then end up eating the cereal with the milk and skipping the yogurt.
Any how I expect a great week next week or in a few days. The good part of being on a journey to reduce debt and my waist line is when one is not working out you can probably feel good about the other. Unless I maxed out my credit card at a restaurant, in that case I would be sunk!
Break... I will be in touch after weigh in...
I am back. Not all bad. I was not that chatty weird lady I thought I might be. Maybe in anticipating the behavior born from the anxiety one can get a grip, behave and just be a polite patient. I was weighed and the world did not stop. I talked about getting a job in the OR with the guy who took my blood , food was offered I declined. I know if they plopped in front of me I would of had it! Weighing in I was the same as last week but less than 6 months ago and not more. My measurements showed improvement my waist and hips are now 2 different numbers! We are heading in the correct direction and I know the number on the scale this week reflects a premenstrual lady. Breath!!!
At JC, my regular weight loss counselor was very excited. She is also a very good salesperson. I know the deal because I used to do her job -quite well. She tried to sell me, of course at a significant discount, some sort of monitor you wear that calculates energy expense , calories in and out... I do not need a machine to tell me how I am doing my jeans do that. This is where weight loss and debt reduction cross roads. Usually if they are selling I am buying. I reminded her about my quest and she seemed very disappointed. She said, "of all my clients I thought you would buy one for sure!" Not today bitch! (said in a silly but confident tone)
So it happens to be the double whammy weigh day. First I go to the SHINE study for my one year follow up. I was hoping for a good report card. Next I go to JC for my weekly weigh in. A scheduling nightmare but it is my day off and I have to consolidate appointment. This is going to suck and the fight or flight is kicking in and I really want to fly. But I am not. I am sure I will just walk into the office talking a mile a minute about my period to some chick that does not care and be that weird hyper silly women who talked too much. So be it. At least I get my roots done at 2PM! I am fasting for the blood draw right now and hungry. I hate to eat in front of the study people and they always offer cereal fruit and yogurt right after the blood draw. I guess they figure over weigh people will surely self combust skipping a meal. So afraid of lowered blood sugars and taking measurments they feed you. I always figure because it is a study that they are studying what and how much we eat. Will she read the label of the Yogurt? Will she have the milk and yogurt? I always try and decline and then end up eating the cereal with the milk and skipping the yogurt.
Any how I expect a great week next week or in a few days. The good part of being on a journey to reduce debt and my waist line is when one is not working out you can probably feel good about the other. Unless I maxed out my credit card at a restaurant, in that case I would be sunk!
Break... I will be in touch after weigh in...
I am back. Not all bad. I was not that chatty weird lady I thought I might be. Maybe in anticipating the behavior born from the anxiety one can get a grip, behave and just be a polite patient. I was weighed and the world did not stop. I talked about getting a job in the OR with the guy who took my blood , food was offered I declined. I know if they plopped in front of me I would of had it! Weighing in I was the same as last week but less than 6 months ago and not more. My measurements showed improvement my waist and hips are now 2 different numbers! We are heading in the correct direction and I know the number on the scale this week reflects a premenstrual lady. Breath!!!
At JC, my regular weight loss counselor was very excited. She is also a very good salesperson. I know the deal because I used to do her job -quite well. She tried to sell me, of course at a significant discount, some sort of monitor you wear that calculates energy expense , calories in and out... I do not need a machine to tell me how I am doing my jeans do that. This is where weight loss and debt reduction cross roads. Usually if they are selling I am buying. I reminded her about my quest and she seemed very disappointed. She said, "of all my clients I thought you would buy one for sure!" Not today bitch! (said in a silly but confident tone)
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
My Guru Kirstie Alley is a size 4!
I have talked about Kirstie Alley for years in my stand-up act. It seems we are always on the same track we gain and lose together, only she is unaware of the connection we most certainly have. I love to make fun of it not her. She is now a size 4 ( not exactly sure I am buying the size maybe an 8) . What I am thinking is "yhea for me." It is like we are on a roller coaster together but she is sitting in front. We started losing together when she had just lost 5 lbs and was the spokes person for Jenny Craig. We failed that one together and both got fat again. I feel bonded with her. She is 60 and looks great I am taking everything positive out of this. I read some web comments posted under her picture and there are such haters out there.people who must be thin are so mean. Negative people that try to sum her up in 2 lines. Most likely from people that have never had to deal with weight issues. I can only imagine the thick skin a celebrity needs to keep in order to feel OK with themselves. I thought I had to have a thick skin working with Dr's but the general public is ruthless. Not sure I could take it. No worries about ever having to worry about that! Size 4 I could only dream about that, I really do not think that would be possible. unless I reconstructed my rib cage . I would be so happy with being an 8-10.
One thing I read in a very short article about Kirstie is that she had no idea at her biggest what she looked like. I actually believe this, even with all her tabloid exploitation, I understand what it is like to feel one way and to look another. It is weird how that can be the case. Right now I have lost some weight and feel pretty good, at least better, but when I put on clothes it is clear that there is plenty of work to do.
The Panda, Pablo Sandoval ( SF Giant currently hitting great ) is fat again. Last season after winning the World Series he got a warning about his weight. At the start of this season he looked trim and the press noticed. I saw a "before and after" photo comparing him today with the start of the season and he now has a spare tire around his waist. It makes me wonder if there is hope, come on, if you are a professional athlete with all the resources in the world and can not manage to keep off the pounds where is the hope for us regular chumps? Maybe, like Kirstie, he should go on dancing with the stars. I am more likely to be seen dancing in Bars!
I won a bike race today. Not sure the other person knew it was a race but I won! Hurray for imagination. I am pretty sure it was Lance Armstrong's ass who I kicked too. I was riding up hill in Golden Gate Park at 6 AM on my way to work and realized I was gaining on this young thing. I went for it and pedalled as fast as I could and past her. She had passed me earlier so we were racing. I know it and I won.
Yoga update- On Monday, I put my forehead on my knee. I did not think that possible. When it hit, and I really mean "hit" I was first shocked and then I looked to get the attention of the teacher so I could get some positive reinforcement or a witness but I was alone in that moment and so damn proud. My forehead was finally hitting my knee and I did not have to have a mastectomy to do it. I really wanted to share the moment with someone that knows how hard I have been working but she was looking into space while directing us in our practice. At home, when I tried to show Jack my new skill, he said " stop or you'll hurt yourself." True dat- It was tough to recreate and just a moment, a private moment of self satisfaction for me myself and I.
Loving the support I am receiving from the folks reading this!! It really helps to hear from you. I am surviving the constant bombardment of advertising and starting to get annoyed with department stores, I know where you are and know what you sell leave me the hell alone. When I am smaller I will buy new clothes- CASH.
One thing I read in a very short article about Kirstie is that she had no idea at her biggest what she looked like. I actually believe this, even with all her tabloid exploitation, I understand what it is like to feel one way and to look another. It is weird how that can be the case. Right now I have lost some weight and feel pretty good, at least better, but when I put on clothes it is clear that there is plenty of work to do.
The Panda, Pablo Sandoval ( SF Giant currently hitting great ) is fat again. Last season after winning the World Series he got a warning about his weight. At the start of this season he looked trim and the press noticed. I saw a "before and after" photo comparing him today with the start of the season and he now has a spare tire around his waist. It makes me wonder if there is hope, come on, if you are a professional athlete with all the resources in the world and can not manage to keep off the pounds where is the hope for us regular chumps? Maybe, like Kirstie, he should go on dancing with the stars. I am more likely to be seen dancing in Bars!
I won a bike race today. Not sure the other person knew it was a race but I won! Hurray for imagination. I am pretty sure it was Lance Armstrong's ass who I kicked too. I was riding up hill in Golden Gate Park at 6 AM on my way to work and realized I was gaining on this young thing. I went for it and pedalled as fast as I could and past her. She had passed me earlier so we were racing. I know it and I won.
Yoga update- On Monday, I put my forehead on my knee. I did not think that possible. When it hit, and I really mean "hit" I was first shocked and then I looked to get the attention of the teacher so I could get some positive reinforcement or a witness but I was alone in that moment and so damn proud. My forehead was finally hitting my knee and I did not have to have a mastectomy to do it. I really wanted to share the moment with someone that knows how hard I have been working but she was looking into space while directing us in our practice. At home, when I tried to show Jack my new skill, he said " stop or you'll hurt yourself." True dat- It was tough to recreate and just a moment, a private moment of self satisfaction for me myself and I.
Loving the support I am receiving from the folks reading this!! It really helps to hear from you. I am surviving the constant bombardment of advertising and starting to get annoyed with department stores, I know where you are and know what you sell leave me the hell alone. When I am smaller I will buy new clothes- CASH.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Journey or excavation
Thanks for the advise- you know who you are! There are many things we are told not to do but do them anyway! One is weighing every day. Sometimes I make myself weigh in just to motivate me for that day. It is at the risk of making me feel horrible but sometimes it does help me not cheat. . It is all such a head trip.
Motivation is in the mirror. Seeing myself in 3 mirrors at the same time is too much Mary too much motivation. . I got a glimpse of myself naked the other day I almost died. I am scared that once I uncover what lies beneath it will not be much better, after all it is older. I guess the entire thing is more of excavation than a journey. Or a journey through time. Sort of like when you go somewhere you have not been in quite some time and it kind looks the same but some things have been majorly changed due to being developed. That old field is now a Trader Joe's or strip mall complete with nail saloons and Starbucks. That place where your ass stood was hit by a land slide or sink hole. When I do get there will I recognize it?
Thinking back , the last time I was was somewhat happy with my weight was when I had my first date with Jack. We went to the House of Prime Rib and the next date me made me pork chops the rest was history. Steady weight gain, had a kid more weight gain a stressful job more weight gain. And do not for get the Yo Yo dieting. Do not get me wrong I am hopeful that I will get to goal weight just curious what that might look like!
Back at it full force, feeling better, back to work. Rode the bike to work today and yesterday and went to Yoga torture before picking up the kid. I really need to take a serious look at the activity part of this. I know I was ill last week and resting but when I was feeling better I did have moments of just being bored and wondering the house. I could have walked the dogs. I will try walking in the evening. My dad used to walk every night after dinner. Of coarse it was an excuse to smoke a cigar. Maybe if I start smoking I will have to go outside. Just kidding.
Temptation- the dreaded work pot luck. Indian food, lasagnas cookies brownies ... all in my bosses office. I was told I was a "lame ass" for not participating but whatever I really do not want to blow it for a pot luck. I was very hungry today and thankfully had packed yogurt and fruit along with my Jenny Craig. I did good! I did not have one bit of that food because I do know that once I start I will not stop.
Instead of Brownies I get brownie points.
Move and plan. The next 3 weekends there are challenges. 2 parties and one dinner planned at the House of Prime Rib! God help me!
Motivation is in the mirror. Seeing myself in 3 mirrors at the same time is too much Mary too much motivation. . I got a glimpse of myself naked the other day I almost died. I am scared that once I uncover what lies beneath it will not be much better, after all it is older. I guess the entire thing is more of excavation than a journey. Or a journey through time. Sort of like when you go somewhere you have not been in quite some time and it kind looks the same but some things have been majorly changed due to being developed. That old field is now a Trader Joe's or strip mall complete with nail saloons and Starbucks. That place where your ass stood was hit by a land slide or sink hole. When I do get there will I recognize it?
Thinking back , the last time I was was somewhat happy with my weight was when I had my first date with Jack. We went to the House of Prime Rib and the next date me made me pork chops the rest was history. Steady weight gain, had a kid more weight gain a stressful job more weight gain. And do not for get the Yo Yo dieting. Do not get me wrong I am hopeful that I will get to goal weight just curious what that might look like!
Back at it full force, feeling better, back to work. Rode the bike to work today and yesterday and went to Yoga torture before picking up the kid. I really need to take a serious look at the activity part of this. I know I was ill last week and resting but when I was feeling better I did have moments of just being bored and wondering the house. I could have walked the dogs. I will try walking in the evening. My dad used to walk every night after dinner. Of coarse it was an excuse to smoke a cigar. Maybe if I start smoking I will have to go outside. Just kidding.
Temptation- the dreaded work pot luck. Indian food, lasagnas cookies brownies ... all in my bosses office. I was told I was a "lame ass" for not participating but whatever I really do not want to blow it for a pot luck. I was very hungry today and thankfully had packed yogurt and fruit along with my Jenny Craig. I did good! I did not have one bit of that food because I do know that once I start I will not stop.
Instead of Brownies I get brownie points.
Move and plan. The next 3 weekends there are challenges. 2 parties and one dinner planned at the House of Prime Rib! God help me!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)