OMG

ON DR OZ RIGHT NOW IS A SKINNY DUDE THAT IS TALKING ABOUT THE LINKS BETWEEN BEING FAT AND BEING IN DEBT.  He wrote a book.......bastard.

He said " save $15 a day by   not eating out and using a bag lunch and breakfast and switching to generic coffee-  a savings of $5K a year plus.
walk 15 min a day to lose 15 pounds in a year- bullshit.
eat fresh it is cheaper than frozen- true dat

Here is what I am doing wrong I am spending a ton on Jenny frozen food and not walking 15 min a day. I am riding my bike and doing yoga and eating less.

He made it all seem so easy- just  read his book make him rich and do 3 things and  all your dreams will come true.  How the hell did he get on the talk show circuit and get an entire book out of 3 basic things that  EVERYONE ALREADY KNOWS!!!!!!  Ok buddy what about parties and an increase in meals out during the Holidays? What about peppermint bark???  Does he know about stuffing or left over stuffing turkey gravy sandwiches? Does he know about anything at all? I feel like Lucy on Peanuts or even Charley Brown himself,  yelling this out loud on top of a dog house - Good Grief!!! Oh yhea The Seasons change  buddy and there  is a need for new clothes! does he know that?

Just feeling a bit angry!

Thanksgiving update... 1 week off from work , had a "staycation then off to my brothers. - I did exercise but ate and celebrated up a storm from Mon-Thursday. Meals out and lots of fun.  On Friday I got a hold of myself and got back on track. I almost put the control off to the Monday but was able to make myself get on the scale and it said " bitch what the hell???!!"  So I have been playing make up, had tons of Jenny food because I went away. I delayed my actual weigh day back to Thursdays All is well. Just doing it all and being patient with myself- not really.

I had an emotional breakdown. It is amazing the power a Father has even when he is 83 and fat. My Dad asked me about Yoga he was wondering if it did any good. then he kept bringing up the old battle of the bulge. I was not offended during the exchange. It did hit me in the middle of yoga. I started thinking all that hard work was not doing a damn thing because obviously my Dad thinks I am fat. I started to actually sob right in the middle of standing bow pose. Hard to do even harder when you are tyring not to show that you are crying. It makes my eyes tear up now. This entire thing is emotionally difficult. I question every thing. When I am feel good the number that I weight pops into my head and destroys everything. This month I gained and am surely a loser. Deep down I know it is worth and is doing something  but I am struggling to stay positive and feel ready to cave. Why the hell does it have to be so damn hard?   Why does it it hurt so bad that my Dad thinks I am fat?  I asked my sister about it as she heard and saw the tail end of the conversation when I was actually showing off a few poses. She thinks he might have been asking about it as his Dr. suggested yoga to him.  I felt  that he looked at me and saw no evidence of a yogi girl.

This is not just about looking good and  changing habits it is about self esteem and growing as a person and dealing with the emotional mess that I have created. I want to look into the mirror and like who I see not just what I see.

So I want to be the person who wrote the book with all the answers so far this blog is about asking questions. I want it to be obvious I do yoga. I want my Dad to be proud of me. I want to stop crying.

A little extra for a special time

OK as I am on vacation  last night I was tempted with the nagging call of a  cold bottle of LaCrema rather screaming from the kitchen. My goal is to "be good" for a couple days before the inevitable feast of doom. The voice of the wine was louder than the voice of the IRS worker whom my husband had on speaker phone. Dealing with the IRS (invokes something a little stronger than wine- like ativan and benedryl)  is a little like being a teenager who did something wrong, the parents knew yet continued to toy with the youth before just lowering the boom. They were going over a a financial statement. After being transferred 3 times and put on hold for a total of an hour. Jack was needless to say really trying to hold it together. He fought bravely like Cool Hand Luke( when they broke him) . "yes boss" this and "yes boss" that.  In completing a financial statement they look at what you spend on every basic need they say "what do you spend on your car payment?," you say "$546" they say " you only get $344" the rest is "disposable income" Instead of just saying pay $2000/mo they torture you, the entire time you know what the outcome is you say  just tell me how much!"  Other tid bits  you get more for Internet than you do hair! you get $200/month for clothes! I also do think they realize that gas is $4/gallon. They also wanted to know how much we spent on food. We sort of guessed at $1200 a month! This is before we knew we had to prove it. She laughed and asked if we were on a special diet I chimed in "Just Jenny Craig I am fat." I believe the IRS worker with the East Coast accent laughed .  So this is almost over. If anyone knows of an attorney that  could deal with the SOB's please message me before I jump into the bottle of LaCrema with a mouth full of ativan and benadryl.  JK. I have a goal weight to get to.

Just finished my Jenny French Toast and am enjoying writing and a cup of coffee before I send Elaine off to school and Jack to work. I will then head off to Yoga and try and get my mind off last night. I will "will" the crab fisherman into their boats so that they may bring us some fresh crab. Bastards  are ruining a Thanksgiving tradition for us.The only thing that is close to this in pain is  spare the air days on Christmas. How can you do Christmas without a toasty fire. I am one of the last of a dying breed of environment killers. I hope I do not have to say 'just kidding" i hate those words more than the IRS. Anyhow,   I refuse to eat any crab that comes from Oregon. Anyway then I am taking my sister for her first mani pedi at Silk. She wants to do lunch so I may eat my Jenny prior nad order w salad with dressing on the side. that could be the name of my next band "Dressing on the Side" or " Sciatica!"


Yesterdays Yoga went fine, just fine today I am a bit sore- good.

Oops missed a week

So maybe  on purpose I missed writing last week. It was crazy stressful combined with several meals out and a period that  keeps threatening to come and then does not.  Could this be the first indication of menopause? It sure as hell is not pregnancy.  So this is also the first week since August that I gained -nearly 2 pounds. No worries just Thanksgiving coming up and a "stay cation"  I will stay on program as much as possible, keep moving and keep my fingers crossed. Not exactly how I wanted to go into this week. But it is what it is.

This is scary this is the point where I have given up in the past. A little gain and a Holiday staring at me in the face. I am not. I still see that elusive life of the thin person in my head and have yet to achieve it on a consistent basis. I have moments that seem promising and others that make me feel that I have never been a skinny chick and what is the use.? Then I fit into my skinny jeans and feel on top of the world. "Feelings" that is what I am full of. The stress right now has blinded me too. The care of my daughter has not been this demanding in quite some time. I have had to apply for family leave to get everything done and will be broke. Paying stuff off will be put on hold until the Holidays are over.   I can make payments but I will not make any head way.

Since losing a pound/week takes quite a bit and I have a week  full of meals out and Holiday get togethers I will just try and keep moving. Got one dog out today will get the other one out and go to Yoga later. By the way  I have not gone to Yoga in a couple weeks due to a heel spur acting up, lack of time and other excuses.... I am scared that it will hurt.

So the goal is going to be to stay positive, have a good time, probably not lose a damn thing this week and be OK with it. I am in this for the long hall and this is a vacation for me.  Since I am not going to a fat farm for my vacation I imagine losing this week would be a miracle.  I am going to enjoy it without hurting myself! Happy Holidays! I weigh in on Saturday. The New Year is around the corner and it holds promise  and time to fulfill goals.  I just want to be that active person,  you know the old person in the life insurance  ad smiling while  water skiing and looking good. I also still want to be a rock star !

Got my skinny jeans on bitches!

OK 21 Pounds off!!!!! Like almost 2 pounds gone this week at the  official weigh in and I can not believe it.  8 some odd inches off my waist! Did you know your waist is actually higher than you think!   Low rise jeans has altered people perception of where the waist line is. If I make it,  I mean when I make it to goal weight I might end up being a size 8 in some things ( stretchy things with room for a bust) . maybe because they make things bigger now?? But whatever. got my skinny jeans on today! Wrote a song called "I got my skinny jeans on maybe I will buy a thong  nothing can go wrong because I have my skinny jean on again! " I can wear them out. In my 14's  I was/am  so comfortable but they just looked weird so I tried on the 12's  ( my skinny jeans) I have not worn them in 2 years. They are still a little tight but they always were and I am actually sitting in them right now and I feel alright. Singing my song! Driving the  family nuts!!! Always fun stuff.

So I had $50 gift certificate for Bloomingdale's today and a 20% friends and family discount to use. Jack also gave me $200 fun money. I made sure it was not for food.   I bought a Vince sweater with a fur collar  CASH!  Had to I was maxed out. at Bloomingdale's! Thank god my credit limit is not that high. Whatever I got my skinny jeans on!!! la lal la

Today  was cool- had a Dr's apt,  went to Jenny Craig who by the way has changed her name to "Jenny"  like Cher and Madonna and then went and got one of my bargain massages. It was nice.I had a young man and occasionally he let out a sigh or moan which made me feel uneasy but all in all it was all good.   I then went shopping and on the way home got hit by someone who thought changing lanes was OK if you had your blinker on. She refused to just exchange info and call insurance. Her Corolla was totalled an my GMC Yukon needs a new rim.  She said she was calling her husband.  I said "OK lady" ( instead of lady I think I said "bitch you hit my damn car!" ) then I said  "  Ok you call your husband and I will call mime guaranteed he is more of an asshole than yours"  He is not an asshole but is quite assertive. .  It was weird.  What man would call their wife if the got into an accident. I would not have called mine but I thought they might gang up on me.  I called him - he sent me a plumber  named Todd that works for him and I called the police who actually said "the lady was guilty of driving while Asian" . I did not say it he did.  He then said it happened a lot around here. I told him I liked his boots. He then said I  could not have them. He was a motorcycle cop and his boots were spectacular. I really want a pair. I wonder where they get them?

DISCLAIMER- I AM NOT RACIST THE COP WAS

slipping

I feel it is time to regroup and tighten things up- not just my thighs- little things I notice that I am doing and not doing.  I have gotten a bit lazy. Halloween candy needs to be sent to work. I need  Jto get to the gym and need to get on my bike even if it is cold outside. Jack hit my hand the other day when I was going for a Reese's pumpkin. Not sure if it was his little way of noticing me slip up or if he was just having fun. I am in a groove and know what I need to do and have gotten a bit cocky as I keep losing 1 1/2 pounds a week. I know I need to be a bit more strict if I am going to get more weight off. . I think this week may be the exception the picking and lack of activity will catch up with me.I  have picked and have not really worked out much. I have been making some questionable substitutions like Almond Joy for a milk.... We will see what happens.  I know what I need to do I need to come clean with it and set more goals. 35 more pounds and I will be there .  Part of me feels it is impossible and the other part is still a foolish dreamer. That  is the part of me that still wants to be a rock star with a one women comedy show that tours the world. 

Shopping well I fail! I have paid some stuff off and I am on track to pay down chevron and Paypall but Bloomies and Nordstroms will take some time! I admit it. I shopped and had a blast doing it.  Not shopping and saving $$ is way tougher than dieting. 

Yippee Skippy

I have no idea how or why but I lost another pound this week for a total of 19 lbs! Holy shit. I will not ask questions I will just  keep going. 9 pounds till half way. Paid off my vacation I took earlier in the year and have plans of getting Paypall account paid within 1 month.  That one was actually huge due to rejoining and AORN (a nursing organization) my CEU credit for  certifying as a  nurse in the OR and other nursing BS. It was around $1000 plus Elaine's zoo camp and a couple pairs of special shoes that fit over her braces.  paypall is a nasty little choice made available to us. resist this one my friends it has high interest rates. it pops up everywhere  as a choice of paying too.  The debt is not all shoes! Believe me my closet is not full of designer shoes I just wish it was. Part of the goal is to get rid of credit card debt so I can buy nicer things- cash.

I was watching Fashion Hunters. A pretty cool new show featuring a high end "thrift shop"  One of the girls said 'let go do my 2 favorite things drinking and shopping!" I was like "no way those are my 2 favorite things too!" suddenly I was not all alone.  Ridiculous but worth mentioning.

I have been thinking and thinking about my next hobby. I do not think it is going to be comedy. That really takes too much time in  order to do it right. Maybe when I am on old  old lady. That is the good thing about comedy you can do it at any age. As I write this it pains me to say that so maybe that is not a done deal. I also miss signing. I think I may take a cooking class. In the spring I found a place that teaches  gourmet healthy cooking. Also I am still thinking about horse back riding. It is something I could do with Elaine as she gets better at it. A horse can take you where a wheel chair simply can not. Everyone thinks I am nuts but in my heart I know it could be a great thing for us as a family. If we bought a horse and donated it to the BOK ranch ( where Elaine does therapeutic riding)  they would fee board and shoe it. We would get to ride it whenever they were not using it for lessons and get a tax write off. The problem is we would need 2 that is abut 8K. My goal for this is when she turns 16 just over 2 years. It is a dream I really hope comes true.  It gets us out, together and seeing the world. I want this pretty badly so does Elaine. Her Dad thinks we are crazy. Right now it is just something I can use when she is being uncooperative " come here right now or no horse!"

Not so many challenges this week it should be a good one. Boring but good.

Huddle

Party, sick kid, home bound - totally derailed oh my!  Throughout this entire adventure I have not been off track like the last few days. I got to the point in any diet where you say "f" it  " i screwed up and what the hell I might as well go crazy." I gave in. The good news  is one week of 3 months I do not think is so bad. But if it is a sign for the holidays I am in trouble. Oh Yeah sick kid equals not getting to exercise too.  So cheese and candy mixed with feeling sorry for myself- not a good thing. I do not feel great. I fell off Friday and did not get back on yet. I almost did today but I made meat sauce for the family and got into it a bit and chased it down with left over wine from the party. Ran out of veggies and fruit- never good.

So the good news is I am tired of Halloween candy. I have 3 weeks before TThanksgiving and have not given up. Paid off one bill and overcame the urge to shop!

If this was mass my intention would be " For strength and inspiration Lord hear my prayer!"