Going to write before and after Yoga. Right now is the before and I am feeling a high level of anxiety associated with the stupid IRS, a possible job change and a basic lack of interest in most everything. I think I am depressed or I had a real weird reaction to my flu shot. I am looking forward to Yoga but feel a bit disinterested in most everything. I think this is the the mid life crisis part. I feel that I do not have anything to look forward to (except the arrival of my new boots) On the other hand, I do not feel like planning anything either! When I was a kid and felt this way I would bake. Not an option with the current life style I am trying. I also feel that the scale is failing to tell me what I want to hear when I want to hear it and like most things that do not go my way it really bugs me. I am trying so hard and following the rules I should get a big pay off. But it is painfully slow. This is not helping right now in fact I feel a bit worse. I will work out, pick up the kid and have dinner and get back to you... what will the outcome be? Thursday is weigh day too and I have no idea how that will go.
... Post work out- bottom line I feel better. The nature of Yoga is as total body mind soul work out. It is an old practice and it works. I pushed stressful thoughts away or "stuffed" them somewhere or I accepted things for what they are. In the scope of things I do not feel anxious. Except for the fact Thursday is weigh day!
I arrived at class early and went to the middle row. Until now I was purely a back row Yogi not really feeling I fit in with the defined muscle scantily clad youngster. I usually hang with the new folks near the window or door. It gets hot and any chance of getting a burst of foggy air is welcomed. For some reason I decided I graduated to the middle row and took my place amongst the Yogi's. Well I got got there first and "meditated" and when I woke up ( I actually fell asleep lying on the floor) there I was submerged amongst fit people of varying ages and stages of life. I stood up straight and paid attention to my breath and went hard until I thought I was going to barf! Then I pulled back a little. Barfing might mess with the zen like mood in the room. Then I started thinking- never good. I wondered if anyone has ever vomited in class. Then I remembered my brother tossing his cookies at a track meet after eating an entire package of red licorice. It could happen, then I got a be paranoid. It was at that point I noticed that the girl who was usually in front of me was in the back row. I wondered if she judged me for taking her place. If she thought I was foolish and if she was scoffing at my poses. It was weird. I bet she felt known of it. Then I really tried to read her tattoos but the light was too dim and my head was upside down looking through my legs at her tattooed covered flank. All words written in cursive and none readable. Maybe it said if you are reading this tattoo you are too close. I don't know but all of this helped me forget about the worries of the day. In the end I did fine and did not vomit.
... It is now Thursday AM and I am "pre" weigh in. I do not want to eat or drink a thing. A throw back to my eating disorder minutes in high school. I never made it very long. In fact, my stomach just started growling. It is a finely tuned machine. At work we get "relieved" for meals usually by the same folks. I salivate when I see them. Proof Pavlov was onto something.
I will write a bit more after I go see Jenny Craig- still not sick of the food. It is making me buy and prepare veggies and fruit. It is keeping me on a schedule and it is easy. I am losing about 1 pound a week now. The 2-3 pound weeks are behind me. It is slow but I feel good and I am getting toned.
... Back and as predicted I lost another pound for a 15 pound total! When I complained about how long this was taking and pointed out I used to be able to lose 5 pounds in a week she said "well honey you are not getting any younger." A stupid thing to say to say when you are also trying to sell them something. My weight loss counselor has made a career out of weight loss. She has worked at just about as many different things I have tried. We are a good match. She sells and I resist the urge to buy.
Next week I coordinated my day off with the school schedule I now have Monday off for Indigenous People Day. It used to be Columbus Day- the school district took his day and gave it to the native AAmericans. I wonder if they even know. Maybe in celebration there are casino deals. Any how this means I will weigh in on Monday and be short my "make up days." Yoga Yoga Yoga and 1 party on Saturday night!
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