Was going to wait for the new year but I am full now! After nearly 4 weeks off work to tend to family issues followed by Christmas I gave in and behaved any way I wanted to. Not even getting on the scale until next week when I have gone back to work and started back on Jenny Craig. It is what it is. I ate and I shopped. I also walked the dogs more, cleaned my house like crazy and I wish there was one more thing I could write here to follow the comedy rules of 3 but there is not it is just those 2 things.
Literally a Dr's appointment every day in fact going to another today. Stress and the need to make the world a better place with buttered pop corn and movies. One the note of being an active Mommy I am one step closer to making the horse dream real. I actually had to see a girl about a horse. We met 2 hours and talked and talked. She stressed it could take several years to find a horse that they could accept into their program. It is a program for disabled folks the horse literally has to not care if the autistic kid has a seizure while riding. She called it "bomb proof" I went home ready to start my crusade of horse shopping. I had a list of strict criteria and literally the first horse I looked at had every trait they seek. His name is Zebs Dream Weaver. I gave the info to the BOK ranch and they said I did very well and said I should got to Vegas as I was lucky. I do not know if I am lucky or obsessive. To prove that point, I eagerly awaited them to call with the next step. Instead I got "they have not called he is probably off the market keep trying" Hell no! I called the horse people literally from the Interventional Radiology room while awaiting to do the "time out" with the surgeon before my daughter was having a procedure. I was in there with the OR crew and my daughter on the table and said "do you mid if I make a call?" I was on the phone with the Horse lady when the Doctor walked in a bit wide eyed. " Hello??? he said" I was like " Is Zebs Deram Weaver still on the market?... hold on Dr I have to talk to a lady about a horse..." She said "Yes" I said "call you right back" and looked up as the entire OR team was staring at me with amazed looks on their faces. I guess I had just kept a rather of an asshole Dr waiting. I think the team liked it. My kid just wanted to hear about the horse too! It was pretty funny. Anyhow my next call was to the Ranch saying call them!!! He is still available. !!! Now awaiting ranch to see Zebs and if they will let him do a 30 day trail at the BOK ranch. Keeping finger crossed. In the mean time had a garage sale to earn horse money need 4k ish and made $700. Jack assures me it will not be a problem. remember they pay for everything in taking care of a horse in exchange for using it in lessons. You buy the horse and get to ride it around the riding schedule. What this means is that I will need real riding boots not fashion riding boots!! Did I mention the horse thing comes with a membership to the Horse Park at Wooddside? Yes it does.
So with an active lifestyle in our future and the wishes and dreams we think about every new year I am once again hopefull that we will have a healthy life style together as a family.
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Checked in and moving on
I am motivated and ready to get started on this once again! I wish my back was on the same page. I think I am going to try yoga Sunday after I hydrate like crazy today. My Mom's 85th Birthday was last night and it gave me a bit of a head ache. I am now on family leave for a couple weeks to go to a huge number of my daughter's Doctor's appointments. My challenge will be to stay on program and get some exercise in. Being off work is hard on a program as all structure goes away. I am a nurse and get breaks when I am relieved by someone that is designated to give coffee and lunch breaks. When I see them come in the room I salivate like a Pavlovian dog. Without that structure I will have to be strong and watch the triggers that may lead me a stray like a hang nail or new grey hair. It does not take much.
I vow to write everything I eat down this week, I vow not to make poor trades like a bottle of wine for all my fruit and salad dressing, I vow to drink water. I vow to move more. As much as I require the healing forces of the candy in my bosses office due to the stress, it also burns a lot of calories having me running around looking for things a surgeon may want. Note sometimes they do not know the name of said item and they certainly have no clue where it might be. Needless to say I feel OR nursing burns more calories than sitting on a couch watching cooking shows does. I vow not to reward myself with things that hurt me like Christmas cookies and champagne ( that sounds fab! ) or my new favorite coco with Gold Schlager (YUM) I vow I vow I vow!!! Till death do us part amen.
Gonna have a loss this week !!!!!!!!!! Feeling motivated to do something creative too! Goody
I vow to write everything I eat down this week, I vow not to make poor trades like a bottle of wine for all my fruit and salad dressing, I vow to drink water. I vow to move more. As much as I require the healing forces of the candy in my bosses office due to the stress, it also burns a lot of calories having me running around looking for things a surgeon may want. Note sometimes they do not know the name of said item and they certainly have no clue where it might be. Needless to say I feel OR nursing burns more calories than sitting on a couch watching cooking shows does. I vow not to reward myself with things that hurt me like Christmas cookies and champagne ( that sounds fab! ) or my new favorite coco with Gold Schlager (YUM) I vow I vow I vow!!! Till death do us part amen.
Gonna have a loss this week !!!!!!!!!! Feeling motivated to do something creative too! Goody
Friday, December 9, 2011
Early resolution
My last post was all about dreams and fantasy. Back to reality. I made myself reevaluate the debt thing. Christmas hit harder than expected as I really did not plan for it at all and I am not strong enough to be cheap with the gift giving thing. At least I am not spending it all on myself. Here is the deal. Christmas sort of got me going and the next thing I knew I was measuring and pricing new rugs. I peeled off a shellac nail as I calculated and was ready to finish my purchase and something in me made me get a grip and stop. I logged out and said " no new rugs!" everyone in t he house said "yhea!" I guess they saw Mommy running a muck and actually get a hold of herself. I threw out my last chart of bills and started a new one. I thought I would be done in June but it will really take 9-12 Months to get things paid. I suck at this part a lot!
We are going to have a garage sale!! I think getting rid of storage lockers full of memories and crapola will help. Sell 1000 things for $1 and you have $1000. I figure if we have not looked at it in years it can go. We have 1 storage locker and 2 garages full of junk. American Pickers should come on buy and buy some old silver. Anyone want an Elvis Collection? We have one. Last year I tried to be an EBay mogul and found it was a lot of work, I was not good at calculating the shipping and things did not always sell. So I went through the mental anguish of getting rid of all my German made marionettes I had since childhood, took their pictures and put them up for auction and got zero bids. Needless to say that venture did not keep my attention long. A few garage sales and trips to the flea market could be fun. Early Spring cleaning.
My back is still out. Boo. I was going to try Yoga but did a couple moves at home and it was on fire. Confessed to my weight loss counselor that I had sinned and she was kind. I am going in to talk to her Saturday morning. I am not gaining anymore just sort of stuck. That is the reason for this post to get unstuck in all of it. Look at the numbers. The numbers on the damn scale and my credit card balances and really listen to them. Redo my charts and set off in a new direction. Maybe this time I will find America? or at least peel away the years off my rack and find a renovated classic chasey with all stock parts.
I am not giving up I knew this was going to be tough as it is not the first time I have tried either stunt. This time I confess as I go. I think this blog has kept me from totally quitting. Need to weather Winter and move on. Naturally bodies want to eat more in the cold that is a scientific fact that I made up.
Oh yhea the blood work. When I went to the Dr the other day for my back she suggested I get my blood work done as I was due. I had not eaten breakfast so I qualified to do it. Unfortunately, I had eaten pizza the night before. My cholesterol was mid 200's - it has NEVER been that high. My fasting glucose was 102 it should be under 99. So I got an email from good old Dr Chen that included a cut and pasted document of directions on living a better life through low carb and low fat diets. there was also a link to get a digital life coach. Seriously does not she know what I really need is brain surgery! OK take out carbs and fat and you are left with lean protein and booze. My liver enzymes were fine bitches! So the pork tenderloin and bourbon diet will be in research and development and be submitted to the folks at Weight Watchers and Jenny Craig. JK- I am still buying the JC food but not sure what the future holds in that direction. Since Nabisco bought Jenny the food is pretty good. How could the makers of things like Oreos and Ritz Crackers make ill tasting food?
We are going to have a garage sale!! I think getting rid of storage lockers full of memories and crapola will help. Sell 1000 things for $1 and you have $1000. I figure if we have not looked at it in years it can go. We have 1 storage locker and 2 garages full of junk. American Pickers should come on buy and buy some old silver. Anyone want an Elvis Collection? We have one. Last year I tried to be an EBay mogul and found it was a lot of work, I was not good at calculating the shipping and things did not always sell. So I went through the mental anguish of getting rid of all my German made marionettes I had since childhood, took their pictures and put them up for auction and got zero bids. Needless to say that venture did not keep my attention long. A few garage sales and trips to the flea market could be fun. Early Spring cleaning.
My back is still out. Boo. I was going to try Yoga but did a couple moves at home and it was on fire. Confessed to my weight loss counselor that I had sinned and she was kind. I am going in to talk to her Saturday morning. I am not gaining anymore just sort of stuck. That is the reason for this post to get unstuck in all of it. Look at the numbers. The numbers on the damn scale and my credit card balances and really listen to them. Redo my charts and set off in a new direction. Maybe this time I will find America? or at least peel away the years off my rack and find a renovated classic chasey with all stock parts.
I am not giving up I knew this was going to be tough as it is not the first time I have tried either stunt. This time I confess as I go. I think this blog has kept me from totally quitting. Need to weather Winter and move on. Naturally bodies want to eat more in the cold that is a scientific fact that I made up.
Oh yhea the blood work. When I went to the Dr the other day for my back she suggested I get my blood work done as I was due. I had not eaten breakfast so I qualified to do it. Unfortunately, I had eaten pizza the night before. My cholesterol was mid 200's - it has NEVER been that high. My fasting glucose was 102 it should be under 99. So I got an email from good old Dr Chen that included a cut and pasted document of directions on living a better life through low carb and low fat diets. there was also a link to get a digital life coach. Seriously does not she know what I really need is brain surgery! OK take out carbs and fat and you are left with lean protein and booze. My liver enzymes were fine bitches! So the pork tenderloin and bourbon diet will be in research and development and be submitted to the folks at Weight Watchers and Jenny Craig. JK- I am still buying the JC food but not sure what the future holds in that direction. Since Nabisco bought Jenny the food is pretty good. How could the makers of things like Oreos and Ritz Crackers make ill tasting food?
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Ho HO Oh NO
At home bored injured and all alone with home made Christmas cookies. A Christmas cookie recipe for disaster. Lifting my daughter I strained my back. No yoga no biking no nothing for at least a week. Last weigh in it was all about maintaining as the Holidays provides an increase in social get togethers, lunches out and I have to say I love down town at Christmas time. Champagne in the middle of the day is fun. The damage is done but I still remain optimistic. I am off work for a few weeks as the call of motherhood won out once again. I am being pulled in so many directions that it is hard to focus on weight loss in fact sometimes it seems ridiculous. How could I be so stuck when there are people out there hungry. It makes me a bit ill when I think outside myself and what things could be like. Again feeling like an ugly American. Either I am feeling guilty for feeling sorry for myself or feeling disgusted at trying to take care of myself when others need more . I guess it is the Holidays that get you thinking about the world. What would the ghosts Of Christmas past present and future show me if I were Scrooge? By the way I am not Scrooge, I already have the Fitz and Floyd reindeer purchased on Ebay sitting proudly on my desk. I find myself staring at him a lot. Last year I got into a bidding war on him and lost, this year I got him and I was the only bidder. Lucky me??? Whatever. What the hell would those ghosts say? I really have no idea or anything to say other than that would be a great idea for a bit if I were to get on stage which I am not, not right now, who knows when. I a beginning to think the proper venue for my feelings right now would be singing the blues.
I am not changing. I have days of eating well and others that I blow it totally. I have lost weight but gained 2 pounds back and here I sit awaiting the end of the year and to be one of the people who made the same damn resolution that crowd the gyms in January. I think in order for this to work to become thin and rich- still the goal, I need a complete overhaul. I am talking about a less stressful job,that will enable me to deal with the stress at home caring for a special needs kid. Time, time to actually have a life style that is active. Hobbies that do not include cheese.
When I take my daughter to horse back riding at a program for disabled kids, I see them the people that have the life I want. They are beautiful, they ride beautiful horses and wear amazing equestrian attire. They live in Woodside or Athertom and they look pretty damn happy. They are mounting their horses and riding off into the sunset- posting away until they jump over obstacles with ease. I envy them. Healthy and happy affording horses and great functional boots . Do not get me started on polo ponies.
Here is my foolish plan and or fantasy. I am a Mom so it includes my wonderful kid. A life style that makes you want to get out of bed. Forget public school special ed high school days. Right now I think my daughter is in the same boat as me. She rather have a fever than go to school. She takes her own temperature several times a day. When it is normal she says "darn it" or "foofy" 7 hours of special ed 5 days a week is not the life I want for her. They do not get field trips, that is the schools way of dealing with them. It is not right. They change class rooms less so have to sit in the same room longer trying to do algebra when they do not even get the concept of multiplication. I can not bare keeping her in this environment. A larger school, meaner kids and dreams of getting a certificate of completion. Not a diploma. She is aware of the fact that she is in special ed she is seeing her "normal friends" that sh has had since first grade grow apart from her. She is aware that she is different. Somebody actually called her a dumb cripple the other day. that kid is lucky I did not cripple her. I am heart broken. I just want to keep her safe and give her the best possible life
What if we paid off all our bills , came up with a sort of home school or program and educated her by living a richer life in the world? What if I worked less and showed her the world on horse back? What if? A horse can get her to places that a wheel chair can not. She i s taking her lessons and is now riding almost independently. She loves that one hour a week. I think she deserves more than one hour a week of happiness.
These are the fantasies and or dreams that spark the need/desire to pay shit off. With the bills the way they are right now this will remain a dream and she will get her certificate and watch life on TV like a lot of Americans. This is not just about paying off bills or being thin it is about living life to the fullest. I have to remind myself that every day or I feel deprived and am easily distracted by cookies. When joy comes from consuming and that is the only source of joy it is sad and things need to change. Everything needs to change.
My back is killing me right now. A sort of call to have to sit and think. Think why I started this how I am going to tackle it and how to just live life at its best. I brought my daughter into this world and I feel I owe it to her to show her all it has to offer. I see her drawn to TV and being sedentary. It scares me for her and for our family we need change. I am not going to be afraid to dream without dreams there is no change.
Ok I am talked into it all over again. the Holidays are a time to give the New Year is a time to give to yourself. Remember your dreams and start a new and try again and again till you find yourself in a place worth getting out of bed for.
I am not changing. I have days of eating well and others that I blow it totally. I have lost weight but gained 2 pounds back and here I sit awaiting the end of the year and to be one of the people who made the same damn resolution that crowd the gyms in January. I think in order for this to work to become thin and rich- still the goal, I need a complete overhaul. I am talking about a less stressful job,that will enable me to deal with the stress at home caring for a special needs kid. Time, time to actually have a life style that is active. Hobbies that do not include cheese.
When I take my daughter to horse back riding at a program for disabled kids, I see them the people that have the life I want. They are beautiful, they ride beautiful horses and wear amazing equestrian attire. They live in Woodside or Athertom and they look pretty damn happy. They are mounting their horses and riding off into the sunset- posting away until they jump over obstacles with ease. I envy them. Healthy and happy affording horses and great functional boots . Do not get me started on polo ponies.
Here is my foolish plan and or fantasy. I am a Mom so it includes my wonderful kid. A life style that makes you want to get out of bed. Forget public school special ed high school days. Right now I think my daughter is in the same boat as me. She rather have a fever than go to school. She takes her own temperature several times a day. When it is normal she says "darn it" or "foofy" 7 hours of special ed 5 days a week is not the life I want for her. They do not get field trips, that is the schools way of dealing with them. It is not right. They change class rooms less so have to sit in the same room longer trying to do algebra when they do not even get the concept of multiplication. I can not bare keeping her in this environment. A larger school, meaner kids and dreams of getting a certificate of completion. Not a diploma. She is aware of the fact that she is in special ed she is seeing her "normal friends" that sh has had since first grade grow apart from her. She is aware that she is different. Somebody actually called her a dumb cripple the other day. that kid is lucky I did not cripple her. I am heart broken. I just want to keep her safe and give her the best possible life
What if we paid off all our bills , came up with a sort of home school or program and educated her by living a richer life in the world? What if I worked less and showed her the world on horse back? What if? A horse can get her to places that a wheel chair can not. She i s taking her lessons and is now riding almost independently. She loves that one hour a week. I think she deserves more than one hour a week of happiness.
These are the fantasies and or dreams that spark the need/desire to pay shit off. With the bills the way they are right now this will remain a dream and she will get her certificate and watch life on TV like a lot of Americans. This is not just about paying off bills or being thin it is about living life to the fullest. I have to remind myself that every day or I feel deprived and am easily distracted by cookies. When joy comes from consuming and that is the only source of joy it is sad and things need to change. Everything needs to change.
My back is killing me right now. A sort of call to have to sit and think. Think why I started this how I am going to tackle it and how to just live life at its best. I brought my daughter into this world and I feel I owe it to her to show her all it has to offer. I see her drawn to TV and being sedentary. It scares me for her and for our family we need change. I am not going to be afraid to dream without dreams there is no change.
Ok I am talked into it all over again. the Holidays are a time to give the New Year is a time to give to yourself. Remember your dreams and start a new and try again and again till you find yourself in a place worth getting out of bed for.
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